


Tick Tock

by CondemnedFlame



Category: One Piece
Genre: Character Death, In which Ace is dying and denial only lasts so long, M/M, Serious Illness, and his brothers are a bit more perceptive than he'd like them to be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-06-06 14:43:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6758254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CondemnedFlame/pseuds/CondemnedFlame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years spent denying a danger only draws the darkness in closer. Life spent on the streets with only two others as companions, illness was inevitable. Still, it's always easier to push back fears and hide behind lies than to face the danger of truth. Eight years is a long time to hide, but everyone must eventually turn to face the music. The end. -Death is a waiting Embrace-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_ How do you tell someone that you're dying...? _

Laughter, young and rich, it washed over him like a wave of warmth, gentle and bright as it tugged insistently at the edges of his lips, pulling a small smile into being. How could you not smile at that idiots laugh? It was infectious, innocent and naive. Pure.

How unlike the impurity and darkness that crept up upon them around every other corner. The world was  _ not  _ the perfect place you were told tales about, a web of security spun to life around a fragile existence by the calming words of your parents- for those lucky enough to have parents that is. Ace and his brothers didn't live in that perfect world. They never had. Still, it was easy to forget the pain and strife when Luffy was laughing.

Even when he was laughing over something stupid... _ again. _

"Will you just shut up, you moron?"  _ Keep your voice stern Ace. _ Nope. Not possible. His tone was thrown off kilter by the crooked grin spreading across freckled cheeks like wildfire as the raven shot his 'little brother' a half-hearted glare.

He was covered nearly foot to toe in mud, dirt smudged across his face and muddy water clinging to his unruly locks of black. A single slip and it had landed him here...in a rather cold puddle. Not nearly as amusing as his brother seemed to find it.

"Bu-But Ace-" Luffy's young voice cracked, tears on the edge of his dark eyes as he crumpled into yet another fit of laughter, bending forwards with hands gripping at his now aching sides. It was almost comical how he bent into himself, trying and failing to hold back the peals of laughter that shook his form and left the youth gasping for air.

_ Thanks bastard. Love you too. _

Another laugh chimed in, forcefully ripping Ace's attention from the dark youth to instead meet the startling blue of the other's eyes. An ocean. That was really the only way to explain it. Funny considering Ace had never actually  _ seen  _ the ocean. Still, it matched the stories he had heard. Boundless. Both terrifying and calm. That was the raging storm of blue that met him in the form of two circular orbs.

"You can't honestly expect him to contain himself after that, can you?" A gapped-toothed grin had Ace's irritation and amusement peaking to an all time record as Sabo crouched at his side, shooting Ace a cheeky grin as he poked at Ace's muddy shirt.

"You look like a pig let loose from the sty."

Probably not the best thing to tell Ace in this situation. Especially when those words came from an equally roughed up blonde, clothes once regal and now torn and dirty. Well, not dirty enough in Ace's mind. Another laugh and Ace was lunging at the blonde, wrapping a dirty arm around his shoulders before pulling him right down with him. Luffy roared with laughter in the background and Ace could no longer hold back his smile at the sight of both himself and the blonde so completely covered in mud.

"And you look like a disgruntled brat- Oh, wait!" His smile spread even farther, laughter of his own ringing in the air to drown out the furious sputtering of his now filthy friend. He looked ridiculous. The lot of them all still under fifteen and yet Sabo looked like a clown in this state, face stained with mud and beet red with a mixture of what had to be embarrassment and rage.

Speaking of which…

"I'm going to kill you..."

Ace choked down another laugh as he rolled to the side in an attempt to avoid the angry, grasping hands of his best friend, Sabo seeming intent on inflicting some sort of pain. "Oh come off it, Curly! A good tosser in the river and your clothes will be good as-" He slipped in the mud, another laugh bursting forth from Luffy as Ace lost his balance and slipped back down the muddy hill he had been so desperately scaling. Even Sabo paused in his attempts to laugh at his plight- Though laughter was short lived.

_ It always was. _

A cough, ragged and painful tore up from Ace's throat, stifling the once light atmosphere as both of his adopted brothers threw him worried glances. Just like that, their happiness was gone, snuffed out like a candle in the wind. Ace clutched at his chest with one hand, the other moving to smear more mud across his lips as he covered his mouth. He bent forward, eyes wide and laced with tears that he refused to spill as he shook.

He would not cry. That was one thing he  _ refused  _ to do.

It didn't last long, one of his shorter spills. A long moment passed, Ace kneeling on all fours and breathing in deep gulps of air as Sabo sat besides him, rubbing circles into the space between his shoulder blades. Luffy was unnervingly silent, sitting only a few steps away as he made a point of glancing elsewhere.

"It's just...asthma, right? That's what you said." Luffy's voice was small, the kid only twelve yet smarter than most. Street smart at least. Ace was silent a moment longer, tension like a heavy blanket now shrouding over the three.

"Yeah, Lu. It's just a cough. Asthma maybe."

It was routine. A lie told without knowing if the answer was true or not. That answer wouldn't come until nearly eight full years later. Better to fill the air with calming lies than face a truth that lay buried beneath. Some things were better left alone. This was no exception…

So, how  _ do _ you tell someone that you're dying...?

The answer is simple-  **You don't.**


	2. Lack of Voice

"It was huge! Really, you should have seen it! Nami said that it was pretty small, but everyone knows that she's crazy. _I_ think it was the biggest thing I've ever seen!"

Luffy logic at it's finest…

Ace sighed, shooting a small smile towards the living room where Luffy's continued rambling could be heard over the drone of the TV, and pretty much everything else really... Impossible to shut up, that kid. Not that he could really be considered a kid anymore. He was what, nineteen now? Almost twenty? Too old if you asked him, though no one did of course.

Another sigh and Ace reached across the counter to snatch the remote from the small wicker basket where it lay almost comfortably. He flicked up the volume absentmindedly, only really half paying attention to both his brother and the show now blasting from the screen across the room. It was some sci-fy show that Lu would typically be going nuts over. He was far too distracted by the matter at hand though, or to be specific, the slim phone he held to his ear.

It was just a field trip to the museum and yet that kid felt it necessary to call one of his friends and annoyingly blast his amazement towards whichever unfortunate friend was at his mercy tonight. No matter, Luffy was in the other room anyway. Ace was sure to get the whole speal later on as well. That always seemed to be how it worked. If something, anything _exciting_ , were to happen to Lu at some point during the day, Ace would undoubtedly hear about it over dinner. Dinner, which happened to consist of leftover pizza and an assortment of microwavable goods tonight.

Hey, whatever worked. Not like Luffy was going to complain.

It's not that money was necessary a hard thing for them, it was just easier this way. No, money hadn't been an issue for a few years now, made obvious by the roof over their heads and the clothes on their back. Would be even better if Sabo were still-

Ace shut the thought down, an angry noise dying off at the back of his throat as he turned to slam closed the microwave door. It shuddered slightly upon impact and Ace continued to glare at it, as if daring the machine to voice his unspoken thoughts.

Sabo was a tough subject in this household. Nearly ten years spent together and he had just kinda...split. Okay, no. That wasn't really the truth. He got a job, some business out of town that sounded promising. Luffy would argue that the check sent in the mail every month was Sabo's way of saying sorry, but Ace was having none of it. You don't just leave your two brothers behind to-

Two arms wrapped around him from behind and Ace visible deflated, thoughts dwindling, shattering to pieces under the weight of his own mental exhaustion.

"It's fine, Lu. Go back to your call." Ace ran a hand across his face, only barely glancing back to meet the too dark eyes of the teenager before glancing away again. It was obvious that Luffy didn't believe a word of it, but just like always, he dropped it, letting be the topic they both knew to be on hand.

"Dinner in five. Go set the table or I'll eat it all without you." That certainly got him moving again. It was an empty threat of course, but it at least lightened the mood slightly once more. Ace forced a small smile, ignoring the thoughts of the blonde that rose up once more.

He didn't cash the checks. He never did, a fact that irritated Sabo to no end. _Well, tough_ . If his panties were in such a bunch about it then he should have the decency to drop by and tell it to his face instead of calling at odd hours in the night. Calls which Ace _nearly_ always dropped. What would he say anyway?

_'I miss you. Come back?'_

Yeah, not likely.

* * *

It was hours later when paint stained fingers paused in what they were doing to snatch a buzzing phone from the small desk at his side. Thin and light, how misleading when compared to the weight it held in his heart as the caller ID stared him back in the face.

_Curly Bastard_

He should laugh. Really, he always seemed to call at the worst times. Of course, Ace didn't laugh though. Instead, paint smearing across the screen, there was no hesitation as the busy button was pressed. It flashed once more, before settling on the familiar view of his screen wallpaper. Ace didn't bother wiping away the stain left in place.

He was an artist. Everything would become stained with paint at one point or another. It was simply inevitable, a fact.

The slim piece of machinery was tossed aside and onto his bed, muffled buzzing reaching his ears once more though that too was ignored. He was stubborn. Ace would give him that. With the thoughts on mind earlier on though, tonight would _not_ be a night that he answered that tempting call. Tonight was not a night he wanted to hear Sabo's voice.

A lie of course. He always did.

* * *

"Damn it Ace!"

Three calls. One instant voice mail and the other two ringing with a note of finality. Sabo threw his phone aside. It clattered against the desk, face falling forwards to hit the hardwood as the blonde merely sat silently, eyes facing outwards, demanding answers from the busy streets below, from the cars that whizzed by without a care in the world. No... No answers would be pulled from the bright streets tonight.

A thin envelope was in hand, familiar address sketched out on both the top and bottom with a red stamp glaring back at him. He was getting really sick of that same damn stamp every few weeks.

_Returned From Sender_

It crumbled, well, like paper in his hand, the blonde inflicting his own frustrations upon the envelope and untouched check within it's flimsy confines.

A long moment passed, Sabo still glaring outside and ignoring the silent state of the phone that rest a mere foot away from him. Slowly his fingers loosened, allowing the now crumpled ball to fall at his feet. It bounced twice, disappearing somewhere under his desk before it too fell silent. Silence. If there was one thing Sabo was truly starting to hate, it was silence.

Like a grey blanket, it smothered him, driving Sabo forwards as he finally rose from his office chair to storm across the room. Familiar steps. Everything seemed to be falling into an unbreakable routine as of lately. And just like they always did, this night led his feet to the comforting cabinet of alcohol. He smiled though the gesture never reached his eyes as long fingers curled around a bottle of whiskey. His other hand clattered around only a minute before drawing forth a glass.

And then the silence was finally broken by the sloshing of liquid within a cup.

"You can't avoid me forever you know..." Whispered words as the glass rose to meet his lips. Sabo stood by the window once more, staring outwards. It was a big city, nearly all of the stars hidden beyond the glare of the bright lights. It wasn't too different from the city they had all grown up in, though Sabo had moved on, moved higher. It was the smart thing to do in his mind, a way of improving their lives made pointless by Ace's stubbornness.

An office space as a computer engineer. Many would kill to trade spaces with him, yet-

Another large gulp and the empty glass was slammed down onto the same desk that still held his silent phone. Come morning it would be ringing non stop with calls, none of which from who he was waiting for. Sure, the occasional text from Luffy brought a smile to his face, but it only reminded him constantly of what had been left behind.

Far more than a childhood friendship and far more of a loss.

Bright eyes slid shut with a sigh as fingers wove trails across his scalp, catching around blonde curls.

  
Perhaps the time had come to head _home._


	3. Wrong to Right

If Sabo was anything, he was consistent. Within every 24 hours there was at least some semblance of attempted contact. Whether out of need or habit, Ace wasn't sure, but it was just the way things had been ever since he left. There was always _something_ \- so, to go nearly two full days without even a text... It was disconcerting and not exactly doing wonders for Ace's nerves.

Ace flipped the phone absentmindedly, paying no heed to the wandering glances tossed his way as he sat atop the bar stool.

Up and down. Up and down. He flipped it, twirling it in his hand before sliding it back into his pocket. Maybe five minutes would pass before it was out and in his hand once more.

Up and down.

It was a wonder Thatch hadn't snapped at him earlier.

"Will you put that damn thing down and _look_ at me, Ace? I don't think you've heard a single thing I've said this past hour..." Ace blinked, turning his head to glance at his friend. He was right. Well, of course he was. Thatch wouldn't spout that kinda stuff out of nowhere. With a sigh, Ace finally allowed his phone to still, placing the white iPhone face down atop the counter as he propped up his head with one arm.

"Sorry... Just been kinda-"

"Distracted?" Thatch chimed in, snorting indignantly at the raven as he reached for his own glass of...ale? It was probably ale. "That's an understatement if I've ever heard one. What's on your mind?" Because there was obviously _something._

Ace didn't dignify him with a proper response, more of a frustrated groan as his head dropped to rest against the cool wood. Dark eyes still open, they glared into the counter a moment before softening and finally falling shut. "I don't know man... It's just-" he sighed. "A lot of things I guess. I'm tired." It didn't take a genius to realize he wasn't talking about the time of night.

A hand moved to ruffle his hair and Ace's eyes peered open once more. "Hey, if you're not ready to talk then don't. It's a simple as that." Thatch rose from his stool with a smile Ace was relieved to see actually reach his eyes. He meant it and Ace was grateful for it, sentiment returned in kind with a small smile of his own.

There was no need to voice his thanks.

Another round of drinks later and both were on their way once more.

* * *

Ace nearly fell off his bed at the familiar buzzing noise, legs tangled in blankets as he made a lunge and missed. The next attempt proved successful as a finger slid across the touchscreen and allowed the bright light to temporarily blind his sleepy eyes as he struggled to make out the sender.

_Curly Bastard_

_[text] Coming back soon_

Silence. It washed through the room and crashed against Ace like a raging storm. The phone clattered against his small side table once more, Ace staring down at it as one hand moved to brush messy locks from his face. He continued to stare, not fully grasping the ends of his own flickering emotions as he struggled to crawl into true wakefulness.

_Sabo was coming home._

There wasn't exactly a specific time or date, but it was as close as a promise from the blonde as he was going to get. Two days without an attempt at contact and now this.

Well…

* * *

A soft buzz. It was nearly missed as sleep began to drag at his mind, the sheer foreignness of the noise the only thing capable of drawing him back. Slowly, blue eyes peeled open to stare at the illuminated phone not far from his head. An even longer moment passed before he worked up the effort to move.

_Pepper Face_

_[Text] Good._

Shock was slow to fade as the text stared him in the face. Honestly, he had begun to think that Ace had changed his number. The last time he had received any kind of response from him had been... What? Two months? Maybe two and a half.

The smile was small, fleeting and fragile, but a smile nonetheless as Sabo once more allowed himself to sink into the comfort of sheets.


	4. No Red Paint

Was he supposed to be happy that Sabo had yet to tell Luffy? Maybe. It certainly gave Ace an edge that he hadn't had in a long time. Why spoil the fun after all when he could wait and see the surprise upon his brother's face? The thought alone was enough to bring a smile to his face. Luffy deserved some happiness.

Because he truly would be happy.

Ace on the other hand- Well, he didn't know quite  _ what  _ to feel. Happy didn't quite nail it. Apprehension... Definitely. Worry? There was certainly some of that too. It was an entire mess of nerves and emotions, like a dark cloud hovering above his head. His own personal shit storm. Lovely. Huh, maybe he'd draw something like that later. It would give him something to do at least.

The weekdays were boring after all. Luffy was off at the university for the most part, leaving Ace alone with not much to do aside from the odd request sent in via email or text. Hey, it paid the bills though.

A glance at the clock revealed the time, though the setting of the sun could have told him just about the same. Once again, Ace found himself before an easel, knuckles and fingers an odd mixture of grey and blue from where paint had rather spontaneously attacked him. Okay, so he got distracted and the brush slipped a few times... It sounded more exciting when he acted like they attacked him.

Wiping his hands onto a towel balanced one knee, the familiar irritation once more sprang to life in his chest and Ace coughed, once and then twice. "Damn it..." Stupid asthma. A scowl was quick to spread across his features as he rose from his spot, ignoring the cough that threatened to wreak his form once more. It was nothing a glass of water couldn't cure. That was always how it had been, Ace convinced that he had just gotten some nasty form of asthma from one of his birth parents. What else could it be?

6:26

Ace rubbed at his throat as he made his way from the study to the living room, already taking inventory in his mind of possible meals for tonight. He had gotten distracted again. Luffy would probably be home any second and he hadn't even  _ started  _ thinking abou-

Another cough. This one came on more suddenly and Ace paused in his steps to lean one hand against the wall. They were heavy, painful coughs, something he hadn't dealt with in a while now. A hand rose to cover his mouth as he allowed the coughs to run their course. Another sharper cough and Ace's eyes flew open, bending into himself as he allowed he last of the wave to pass.

Vaguely he heard the door slide open across the hall, footsteps approaching and Luffy's familiar chatter already ringing through the air. Ace wasn't focused on that though. He was staring at his hand blankly.

Red, a sharp contrast when compared to the grey and baby blue. It stared back at him from the center of his hand, warm and sticky.

Funny... Ace didn't remember using any red paint…

* * *

Conversation came to a quick and abrupt halt as Luffy rounded the corner, typical wide smile freezing in place as those dark eyes slid to his brother. It wasn't necessary his gaze that was troubling, not even the paint at first either though it was the bright splash of color that drew his attention.

No, what truly made Luffy's blood run cold was that same shade of color staining his brother's lips, a single trickle of crimson escaping from the corner of his lips and the splattering so plain to see across his chin and hand.

"...Ace...?" His book bag dropped at his side, the thud suddenly too loud in the quite room. It was as if that noise alone set off a train wreck. It was obvious suddenly yet the thought still didn't sink in quite fast enough.

Luffy didn't make it across the room in time to catch him before Ace fell.

* * *

There was something surreal about waking up in a hospital bed. The mattress was too soft for one, not quite like the one back home. The sheets were too thin and the blankets on top too heavy. The air was stale with an overused air freshener.

And everything was  **white.**

Really, everything about the situation was annoying, and yet  _ that _ was where he woke up who knows how much later.

Sun, bright and just as annoying as always fell across his face, Ace blinking at the sudden light as brows furrowed into a sleepy scowl. And then suddenly, it just wasn't there. A moment of stilled silence passed as Ace turned to stare in the direction of where the light had been only to find shut blinds instead. And a woman in white and blue.

_ Oh. _

"Sir. It's best if you stay where you are a while longer. We're running the scans right now." Scans? Ace stared back at her, ignoring the 'request' as he pushed himself into a sitting position. the action was met immediately with another set of coughing. There was a hand on his shoulder when he finally stopped again, relieved this time to see no red staining his hand. It would have been nice to pass that entire event off as a bad dream, but his presence here was enough to dash that hope.

"What scans...?" He brushed her hand aside, suddenly recalling how often Sabo or Luffy had done the same. A bittersweet thought. "Where's my brother?"

"Your brothers are downstairs. I can send them up after the results come back if you want." Ace nodded once, not really listening.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever."

She was gone a while before Ace finally realized that she had said  _ brothers. _


	5. Sharp and silent

_'Your brothers are downstairs.'_

_Brothers_ , not _brother._ A minor difference to most, but to Ace- It spoke volumes.

He sat there, numb as stormy eyes glared holes into the wall across from him, trying and failing to completely ignore the panic that welled up like a great beast from his chest. What an odd mix of both dread and anticipation, like a cold chill crawling up the back of his spine. It sank, a great weight that dropped his heart into his stomach as Ace swallowed thickly. His throat was suddenly too dry, the air too heavy.

And yet he made no move.

How could he when his very thoughts froze him in place? A rough chunk of ice waiting to be sculpted- Sharp planes of frost keeping most, but not all at bay. That was how he felt in this moment, and he wasn't ready to face the blade.

Something snapped into place in his mind, a puzzle piece finally sliding into it's proper place. Ace threw the blankets rather carelessly aside as long legs were swung to the side and away from the comfort of sheets and warmth. The slight chill was immediate as bare feet made contact with the cool floor beneath but there was no time to think about minor complications like that with the greater weight of his situation pressing down firmly atop his broad shoulders.

Faded blue met his eyes and Ace pushed aside the indignant distaste that rose in the back of his throat at the sight of the hospital slacks and shirt so annoyingly replacing his own clothes. Efficient and annoying. Just another reason to avoid places like these like the plague. Hell, even if he _had_ the plague, he'd still avoid a trip here or anywhere like here. It just wasn't the norm of things. He had gone through countless childhood years without proper medical care and he had turned out just fine. What difference would it make now? Certainly not enough to keep him here with not one, but _two_ possibly worried siblings waiting for him downstairs.

Yeah, that was a mess all on it's own. Unconscious a mere few hours and he misses the welcoming committee by a landslide.

Welcome home, Sabo. Hope you had a nice flight.

Where's Ace? Oh, **_he's in the fucking hospital._ **

Yep. Nothing quite like that.

Growling under his breath, Ace disentangled himself from the few pesky cords so rudely forced upon his unconscious form, only hesitating a moment to glance at the heart monitor screen before ripping away that technology as well. There was a smug satisfaction as the line went dead, the hollow tone of 'death' mocking him as he moved to stand. That was sure to ring a few bells around this place. Not that he really cared. Tests or not, he was getting the hell out of here and no one was about to-

The door clattered open, a flustered looking man in white staring him down with a look that rapidly morphed from worry to irritation. "Mr. Portgas... Please sit down. Your results will be up momentarily." His face was red, whether from anger or short breath Ace couldn't tell. Still, it was a funny sight. He looked like a lobster.

_Ahh, speak of the lobster and he shall come._

"I don't need them." Ace huffed, running long fingers through his hair as he took another handful of steps forward. "Look, I just passed out. I really don't see what all the fuss is about. Is there something I have to sign to get out of here, or can I just leave?"

Oh, it was definitely anger now. The man, whom Ace was amusing to be some sort of doctor now, took in a deep breath as if to steady jumbled nerves before continuing once more. "You arrived shortly after seven, unconscious and with mild internal bleeding. I can assure you _Mr. Portgas,_ this is no small matter. I must ask you to stay here just a little longer. As soon as we have you X-Ray's back we will work towards getting you home, but _until_ then-"

Ace sat down upon the bed once more, no restraints in place as he openly huffed in the doctor's direction. "I get it. I just have to wait for the tests right?"

Finally the man smiled, forced, but hey, it counts. "That's right. It may end up being nothing, but it's always better to be safe than sorry." What an overrated phrase. Ace didn't deem his response appropriate, biting back a retort of his own that no doubt would have sent the man over the edge. Making a point with his movements instead, Ace flopped rather ungracefully back onto the bed before turning on his side so that his back faced the doctor.

A sigh escaped into the air, closely followed by the click of a door as footsteps retreated. Ace shut his eyes with a barely audible hum, already impatient for answers he deemed pointless.

_It's just a stupid cough…_

* * *

**How wrong he was.**

* * *

Blank.

His mind was blank.

There were two different forms of mental emptiness.

One, the more common and sought out version, was attained through rigorous meditation, a way of reaching a pure state of peace within both body and mind. Calm. Collected. A blank slate if you will. Some viewed it as the first step taken towards Enlightenment.

Enlightenment didn't quite define Ace's mental state at the moment…

Shock, anger, fear, numbness... All had lead him to the state he sat in now, eyes distant as he watched the flickering shades of red and orange mix with the deepening edges of violet. A masterpiece lit to life across the sky as the sun set over the horizon and Ace felt nothing.

Nothing at all.

They had told him straight out. That was good at least. He preferred bluntness over skirting around a subject. Better to just get directly to the point then dance along the edge of a fine line and wait for it to snap. Snap like a steel trap now dragging him down and away, leaving Ace to struggle for air and scramble desperately upwards and towards the light once more.

Finally, he tore his gaze away from the window, surprised to find that somewhere in the middle of his own thoughts, nails had dug into the palm of his right hand. That was no good, he chastised himself. He needed that hand for his work. Slowly the fingers pulled away from where they had dug in, a few blunt nails stained with a dash of crimson from where they had broken skin.

He didn't feel it, turning his hand around to allow one, and then two drops of blood to slide across tan skin and drop silently onto the bed sheets below. Red against white. He found himself laughing, the sound distant and hollow. It somehow sparked the image of blood on snow to his mind. Damn, when had he become Snow White? Did that mean that he was going to have to live with a trove of petite girls now? He certainly hoped not.

The thought died away leaving silence and emptiness once more.

It died.

Ace blinked once, a shaky breath escaping from between his lips as his gaze rose once more to stare at the wall he had been glaring at earlier. How many hours had passed now since he last snapped at that unfortunate doctor?

His hand rose, those same blunt nails digging into his scalp a moment before simply moving to brush dark locks from his face. A pain to draw his mind from another. Not that he was necessarily feeling much pain right now. Though, his arm was still a little numb from where they had administered shots and drawn blood. Material for more tests. At least they weren't hovering around him any more. Ace had quickly grown tired of that pitying gaze.

_'I thought for sure that it was a mistake at first.'_

Ace shook his head, both hands now moving to cover his face.

_'He's so young though.'_

_'If only we'd caught it sooner...'_

Whispers caught on the sidelines after the fact, more soft gazes and words thrown his way like parting gifts. **Damn them all.** He never wanted any of this. He never _asked_ for their help or pity. They gave it on their own, and Ace hated them for it. Hated now that he knew.

Silence, it settled over the building now, visiting hours finally passing. Ace was oddly relieved. He hadn't allowed them up, unable to after what he had learned. No. He needed time, more time. How nice, the one thing he needed now more than ever was the one thing he no longer had.

Time.

A night spent here and he would be free to leave in the morning. He had precisely 13 hours, and 27 minutes to learn how to smile again.


	6. Smile, Will You?

It was nice to be in his own clothes again. Despite the unusual scent of detergent, his clothes were fine, missing the small stain of blood that had been present the last time he had worn them. Even with the too strong scent, it was heaven compared to those damn blue slacks he had been forced to wear. The comfort of his own jeans. Now if only he had his phone.

Still, it was understandable that he wouldn't have that on his person, what with Luffy doing the smart thing and calling the ambulance. Still, it was a weight he was unaccustomed to going without and one he was keen to have at his side once more. All in due time.

The figure that stared back at him through the mirror was a stranger and not one Ace was looking forward to.

His hair was a mess, and that was coming from him, dark locks tangled in places and messy with what little sleep he had gained last night. Well, little in his opinion. Narcolepsy had eventually dragged him down into the deep, welcomed with open arms for what might be the first time in his life. Still, the dark bags beneath equal dark eyes were a pain to see, pulling a sigh from Ace as he rubbed softly at his left eye once before bending down to splash water into his face. Towel dry and he stepped out from the bathroom once more, relieved to leave his reflection behind.

He didn't make it even half way back to his room.

A figure came running at him, plowing straight into his chest and knocking Ace back a step as rather thin arms wrapped tightly around his neck. He clung there much like a monkey would as Luffy's legs wrapped around his torso, efficiently cutting off the majority of Ace's mobility- not that he cared at the moment. Words were muffled into his shirt but Ace merely laughed as he wrapped his arms around his brother in turn. It was easy to push the past day aside with something else to focus on.

Or someone.

Luffy was practically ripped from his arms, a sharp noise of complaint mixed with a whine ringing in the air. Ace didn't even have time to blink before two hands were gripping his cheeks. "Uhh-" His head was forcefully turned to the side, hands then pulling his head forward before turning it the other way. "Oi." Ace moved a hand upwards only for it to be quickly slapped away as the hands instead moved to grip his shoulders tightly. "HEY!"

Having reached his breaking point, there was no hesitation this time as Ace rose a hand to slap the back of the other's head. None too gently of course.

"Will you cut it out and let me speak, Sabo?!" He sucked in a deep breath, irritation illuminated in his dark eyes as he pulled away from the still silent blonde. God damn it. How long had it been and  _ this  _ was how they met again? It was enough to drive him crazy.

"You okay...?" The words were soft and Ace almost missed them.

Ace was silent a moment, too long in Sabo's opinion obviously. His brows furrowed and Ace held his gaze stubbornly. "I'm-"

"YOU WERE BLEEDING!" Luffy seemed to have recovered enough from the initial shock of seeing his brother up and walking around once more. Ace was thankful for the excuse to look away as he turned to Luffy instead. He could feel Sabo's eyes on him, that same shiver from yesterday sliding up his spine as he swallowed.

And then he smiled, ever the smile he always flashed as he met Luffy's eyes.

He had an entire night to perfect that smile after all.

A step was taken forwards, brushing the hands still on his shoulders aside. Another step forward and then a shout of protest as Ace's fist met with the top of Luffy's head. "Ace! Why wou-"

"YOU TOOK ME TO A FUCKING HOSPITAL!" Ace completely ignored the looks tossed their way at his shout, ignored the eyes still on his back. It was almost too easy to slip the mask in place, hiding behind anger and irritation instead of everything else. Another brick in the wall he was rapidly building up around both his heart and mind. Even from the two he held closer than any others. No.  _ Especially  _ from these two.

"But you were-" Again Ace cut the younger raven off, rocking back on his heels as he released a heavy sigh of exasperation.

"Leave it to you to overreact. I bet you worked the whole thing up again. It was just a little blood Lu. Nothing you haven't seen before." There was a heavy silence in the air, Luffy's face scrunched up into an almost comical expression of confusion and worry. A pang shot through his chest, sharp and deep. his look was too similar to the one he had seen upon everyone's face's yesterday. It was a hundred times worse to see that same expression mirrored upon his brother's face though.

Something must have slipped in his expression in that moment because a sudden change morphed Luffy's face, surprise and then something else. Both were gone before he could pinpoint exactly what it was that Luffy had seen or felt, because instead a wide grin spread across the younger's face, wiping away what had once been there. "Shishishi!"

That familiar laugh was nearly enough to shatter Ace's entire world.

He hit him again, hurrying past Luffy without another glance as he stuffed his hands deep into his pockets. Ace was far too aware of the blonde walking at his side and the scrambling of feet behind him as Luffy struggled to catch up.

Ace stared blankly ahead, willing the sting in his eyes away.


	7. Gathering the Pieces

_ Lu _

_ [text] ace coughed up blood _

_ [text] took him to hospital _

The phones sat in the palm of his hand, texts bright as the light from his phone glared back at him. The lights flickered to life above his head, signalling the okay to unbuckle and rise. Plane etiquette required that he continue sitting and wait for his turn, but Sabo wasn't exactly worried about  _ offending _ anyone right now. Another moment passed by, bright eyes still transfixed upon the device in hand as a voice cut through his thoughts like a blade through paper.

"Damn, that was a long flight..." There was a shift besides the blonde and he finally looked up, face pale and eyes wide as he turned to face the man besides him.

"Get up."

It was not a request and the stranger seemed to take note of that, shooting Sabo a rather irritated glance before returning his attention forwards. "Why? You need to piss or somethin'? We're gettin' off soon anyway. Just-"

**"Get UP."** Something in his gaze was enough to finally alarm the man, dark eyes widening a margin before he unbuckled his own seat belt and rose.

The  _ second  _ there was room to squeeze past, Sabo did so, not even sparing the man he had sat besides a glance as he hurriedly threw open the compartment above, snatched his bag and stalked down the aisle. Shouts and complaints were ignored as he pushed through the crowd, shooting glares when need be. He was sprinting before he even fully stepped off the plane.

_ Lu _

_ [sent text] I'm on the way _

So much for the surprise.

* * *

_ Panic _ was not an emotion Sabo was used to.

It was cold, desperate as it clung to his heart and ripped air from his lungs unexpectedly. It left his mind reeling, Sabo focusing on anything he could to pinpoint his own mental upheaval on something even remotely helpful.

His fingers flew across the keyboard, the tapping a merciful break in the silence of the waiting room.

_ Causes of coughing up blood- _

The list was long, only egging his distress on as bright eyes scanned over each possibility. Sabo mentally cut the list in two as he filed away any possibilities to the back of his mind.

__ Bronchitis (acute or chronic), the most common cause of coughing up blood. Hemoptysis due to bronchitis is rarely life-threatening.  
__ Bronchiectasis  
__ Lung cancer or non-malignant lung tumors  
__ Use of blood thinners (anticoagulation)  
__ Pneumonia  
__ Pulmonary embolism  
__ Congestive heart failure, especially due to mitral stenosis  
__ Tuberculosis  
__ Inflammatory or autoimmune conditions (lupus, Wegener's granulomatosis, microscopic polyangiitis, Churg-Strauss syndrome, and many others)  
__ Pulmonary arteriovenous malformations (AVMs)  
__ Crack cocaine  
_ Trauma, such as a gunshot wound or motor vehicle accident  
_ __ Dieulafoy's disease

Some were easily tossed aside, others only throwing wood to the fire, a building fear building up within which was becoming increasingly difficult to hide. He  _ had  _ to hide it though. There was no option on that matter.

Luffy had been a constant, hovering worry ever since he arrived, the hug brief and reunion overshadowed by the fear hiding in the depths of both of their eyes. No time for laughs and jokes with their brother-

Sabo tossed the thought aside, something he had been doing nonstop since that first glance at his phone.

_ Don't think about it. _

Easier said than done. Flashes of images shot through his mind, a morbid mix of the past and possible outcomes set out in front of them. Neither were very pleasant, but necessary. He nitpicked over each event in the past where Ace had been overcome by coughs, trying to remember each and every detail. Comparisons to be made against the list before him. A list that stared into his soul and ripped something to pieces.

Nothing on this list was positive.

Nothing.

Coughing up blood wasn't exactly considered positive in the eyes of the medical world.

_ Coughing up blood (hemoptysis) can be a sign of a serious medical condition. Infections, cancer, and problems in blood vessels or in the lungs themselves can be responsible. _

There was a sharp gasp from behind him and Sabo froze, immediately minimizing the page with a sigh. "It's nothing Luffy. I'm just doing some research. There are more lies online than truth."

_ If only there were lies on trustworthy medical sights as well… _

Sabo left that thought unsaid.

* * *

It was disconcerting- being in this house without Ace. There was evidence of him everywhere, from the scorch mark besides the stove to the splatter of paint inside one of the doorways, the tips of two fingers visible in vibrant green. There were other things of course. Movies that Luffy would never watch stacked neatly in a pile, books under various artists that even Sabo was unaware of.

Sabo avoided going too near any of these things, a mental barrier already in place to protect himself.

Even worse were the hints of himself there.

A single book mixed in with Ace's stack that still had Sabo's bookmark sticking out. Right where he left it. Luffy laughed at him when Sabo stood there too long.

"You look happy."

Funny, Sabo didn't feel happy. He smiled anyway though, pleased to see Luffy sliding back into his typical personality. It had been too stifling and tense at the hospital. The drive back had been even worse, neither voicing very many thoughts.

"He kept my book." he replied softly. "I didn't think he would." Luffy's laughter filled the room for a moment and Sabo's smile widened.

"Of course he did! All of your stuff is still here!" There was a soft thud behind him, Luffy having thrown himself face first into the welcoming cushions of their couch. "It's not like he hates you." The words were muffled but Sabo blinked, turning to face the raven even as his hands slipped silently into his pockets.

The silence stretched, Sabo's smile fading to one softer-sadder.

"Yeah, I know..."

_ Did he really though? _

Two years was a long time. Would it really be much of a surprise if Ace  _ did  _ hate him? He had left them, even if it  _ was  _ for their own good. Why was it that Luffy could understand that and not Ace? It wasn't something he wanted to think about tonight, not with thoughts of his older brother floating through his mind enough already.

Neither had expected to leave the hospital tonight without him.

Sabo slept on the couch that night.

There were only two beds currently.

Sleeping in either just felt  _ wrong. _

* * *

There was something  _ different  _ about him and it irked Sabo to no end.

Something in his eyes, in his body movements. It was easy to push such thoughts aside. It had been two years after all. He was probably fine. Still, it was impossible to shake the nagging feeling as cerulean irises tracked Ace's trek across the room once more. It would be easy to write it all off as a stupid hunch if not for the little looks Luffy tossed him whenever he thought Ace wasn't looking.

If Luffy sensed something off then he  _ must  _ be right.

The only issue? Ace hadn't spoken to him  _ once  _ since he got back. Certainly wasn't helping the blonde keep his irritation and frustration in check.

It wasn't the first time, not even the second time, but the  _ third  _ time Ace brushed past him without a glance that something in him just snapped. A rubber band stretched too far, tension exploded as Sabo reached out to grasp his forearm tightly, a sharp tug carrying Ace in his direction. His expression should have been funny but it only further fueled the roiling emotions boiling over within as Sabo practically threw Ace onto the couch.

And finally he was able to actually get a good look at him, hands braced on either side of Ace's head to keep his locked in place. The storm raging in his dark eyes would have made him laugh if not for the situation they were in now. Hard to laugh when he was finally able to see the dark bags shadowing Ace's eyes, the spark of fear that shone in those same pools only half a second before the fist met his stomach. Hard.

Sabo exhaled sharply, wincing in pain even as Ace pushed him aside and made a retreat. Muffled laughter could be heard in the distance though Sabo merely shot Luffy an irritated glare. "What? You find this funny Lu?" Pity. That only seemed to spur him on.

The slam of the door as Ace locked himself in his room almost had Sabo joining in with the laughter.

It would not be the free, easy laughter Luffy let loose now though. No. Sabo was far from happy. For the first time in his life, he had been hoping to be wrong. Guess the world didn't work that way though.

Sabo sat up fully once more, ignoring the sting of his side where Ace had punched him as he let out a sigh. "You should sleep in his room tonight. Make sure he sleeps." Sabo ruffled the raven's hair as he passed, expression thoughtful.

Ace wasn't sleeping, which meant he was hiding something.

The list ran through his head once more and Sabo frowned. Anything on there was trouble. If this truly  _ was  _ more than a childhood cough or a bad asthma attack, he planned on finding out. Even if he had to drag the answers from Ace himself.


	8. Descent

**_Damn_ ** _ him. _

Fingers clenched into fists, knuckles white from the stress induced upon the digits as Ace growled. The door was firmly shut, lock slid to keep either of them out though he was only truly worried about one of them.

Gone two years with only minimal contact and now it was like  _ this _ , Ace unable to meet his eyes out of fear…

He was still leaning against the door, head resting against the cold wood and tight fists on either side as he allowed his eyes to finally fall shut. He was just so  _ tired...  _ Exhaustion weighed down on his shoulders, shackles around his wrists and ankles that beckoned him into the warm embrace of sleep. How could he when nightmares waited just around the corner though?

No…

Ace shook his head, chasing away the darkness as he pushed himself away from the door once more. Sleep was not an option, not now at least. Now a full day without his narcolepsy medicine- It would only be a matter of time until his body forcefully shut down. Then, and  _ only  _ then, would he allow himself to rest. With the sun yet to set and blinding light and warmth itching across the floor in the form of rays of light, that time was still a long way off.

Ace wasn't sure whether to be relieved or disappointed.

Sleep was a double edged sword. Each second spent awake was a lasting torment, but each spent asleep was a second wasted. A second he would never have back. Better to spend that time with his friends and family than let it slip away forever.

Thoughts heavy on his mind, Ace all but collapsed into his desk chair, the familiar comfort of leather suddenly annoying as he flicked his computer on with deft fingers, the movement practiced and mechanical. It meant he wouldn't have to think and the raven welcomed the brief respite. Anything to take his mind away from the email that flashed angrily at him from the notifications at the bottom of his screen. The bright red flash that warned of the message awaiting his eyes.

He shut off the screen quickly, face pale.

No need to read it just yet, right...? Still, it was important- valuable information.

Ace wet his lips, leaning farther back into his chair as he stared blankly at the black screen before him. One hand still hovered besides the mouse though not a twitch was made any closer.

_ What the hell am I doing...? _

Once more the screen flickered to life and Ace hit the message alert before any further time was given to decide. One new message. Breath was sucked into his lungs slowly, Ace hesitating only a second father before that too was opened up to reveal a message from-

_ [From: Thatch] _

_ -Yo, Ace! you've gotta check out this club with me next weekend. Some wicked music and chicks if the rumors are correct! Don't leave me hangin again man. You totally ditched out on me last time and Marco's a draaaaaag. I promise it'll be worth- _

"DAMN IT THATCH!" Not realizing that he had leaned in closer to the screen, Ace's back slammed back against the chair as he pushed it away from the desk, rising to his feet in one angry movement. "Shit-headed bastard." The screen flickered to black once more and Ace growled as he stormed towards the window. It was impossible to ignore the relief that washed through him though. How long before the email he was waiting for arrived? They had said some time this afternoon, but the waiting was  _ killing  _ him.

Ace blinked at the thought, a smile crossing his face despite the morbid connection. Seems that even his own mind was resolved on that much at least. It was in fact, killing him.

"Hah..." He wasn't supposed to find any of this funny and yet, he laughed. Maybe he could get written down for some kind of medical illness as well. People weren't supposed to find their own imminent death amusing.

Laughter died off slowly, merriment slow to fade even as Ace bent forward with a cough that shook his form. It continued for a while, Ace still smiling when he pulled away his hand to be met with crimson once more.

Again, he laughed, this time softer as the smile slowly faded. He leaned against the window sill, pushing back the dizziness that threatened to topple him like last time. It lingered, Ace surprised to see that the sun had set farther by the time dark eyes once more focused upon the view beyond. The blood was half dry. Another moment was spent simply staring outside before he managed to push himself away from the wall and towards the bathroom connected not far away.

When mixed with the water of his sink, it was easy to pretend it was something else. Just paint. It was thicker than paint though and quick to stain and cling to the palm of his hand. Nothing a good scrub couldn't clear. His face was next, and then his mouth. And yet still, the copper taint lingered like a stubborn friend at his side, overriding his senses and denying any possibility of  _ paint. _

Standing there, staring back into his own pale face, it was hard to ignore. His freckles stood out more like this, a splattering of brown across too pale cheeks and dark eyes rimmed beneath with lack of sleep.

"What am I doing...?" Shakily, Ace reached a hand up to brush a few strands of hair from his face. "I look like shit." He'd spent an entire day planning this 'normal' act, but looking at himself now, it was all too clear how much of a failure that had been. How was he supposed to convince his brothers that he was okay when he was incapable of even keeping up appearances?

This was going to be a lot harder than he thought…

* * *

His hair was still damp when the soft, almost hesitant knock on his door reached his ears. Well, at least there would be no question about who it was. Despite the amount of years spent together, Luffy was the only one that seemed to knock in this family. If it had been Sabo, then the blonde bastard would have already been sitting on his bed, lock on the door or not. It had never stopped him before. Why would it now?

"Lu..." Ace leaned into the doorway, towel tossed carelessly around his neck as he glanced down silently at his younger brother. A younger brother who happened to be carrying- "What's with the pillow and blanket?"

_ Stupid question. _

The lopsided grin that spread across the young raven's face answered his question before words ever cut through the silence. "I gave Sabo my bed. Can I sleep in here?" As if he needed to ask. Luffy already knew his answer. More like a point being made than anything else.

Ace shook his head softly, faint smile tugging at his lips as he pushed his door open fully. "You kick me off the bed and I'm gonna throw you out the window brat." That same smile bloomed across his younger brother's face, Ace's chest suddenly lighter. He blinked before returning the smile in turn, a sadness lingering in his gaze that he was unable to shake. Not that it mattered. Luffy had brushed past him before the expression had even registered on his face. If only it had faded before the blonde across the room caught a glimpse of it.

_ Shit. _

For the umpteenth time so far that day, Ace was the first one to break the gaze, door closing behind him as he turned into his room once more.

"He thinks you hate him." Again Ace blinked, startled by the comment that sliced through the air as he met Luffy's dark eyes.

"What...?"

Luffy merely smiled once more, busy setting up his pillow and blanket. He dove head first into the sheets, rolling onto his back before he spoke once more. "You havin' trouble hearing or something, Ace?" He laughed, Ace approaching the bed slowly and still watching him. "Sabo. I think he thinks that you hate him. He was really weird when we first got back home. You should'a seen it. Stared at your stack of books for ages."

Ace was still silent, brows furrowed as he crossed his arms thoughtfully.

"You ignoring him probably isn't helpin' either." Ace flinched and Luffy turned to prop his head up with one hand.

"I wasn't-"

Luffy had this odd way of speaking with his eyes. Ace shook his head with a sigh. "It's complicated Lu... You know that. I haven't seen him in forever and now with all this stupid hospital crap..." He shook his head again, flopping face first into his bed. A moment passed before there was a pat on his head. Ace almost laughed. When had their roles reversed...? This was stupid and he felt childish, throwing a temper tantrum over spilled milk. Hey, sour milk was a pain in the ass!

"I don't hate him..." The words were whispered, Ace's eyes falling shut softly even though sleep was still a long way off. There was another pat, a short chuckle reaching his ears from where Luffy lay.

"I know that, but he doesn't."

_ Yeah, well, he started it. _

Ace bit his lip, pushing the thought away even as he pushed himself up and off the bed as well. "I'll talk to him- Just... Not tonight, okay?" Luffy frowned but Ace looked away, not wanting to see the message in his younger brother's eyes. "Go to sleep. I'll crash soon." Again, he avoided meeting his gaze. Luffy may be younger than both he and Sabo, but he wasn't as stupid as most assumed him to be. Ace wasn't going to risk Luffy seeing the lie in his eyes.

He flicked his screen to life, happy to hear the rustling of sheets besides him as Luffy nestled in. The computer was slow to load, starting up again after his forced shut down earlier. "G'night Ace!"

"Night Lu. Don't steal all my pillows." A laugh met his comment but Ace didn't turn to look.

One new message. Ace waited for snores before he worked up the courage to click.

_ [East Blue Medical Center] _

It was a short message. Ace already had most of the details after all. Only a few facts stood out to him as if lettered in bold, splattered with crimson so reminiscence of earlier today.

_ Stage Four Lung Cancer _

_ Symptoms: _

__ -Persistent cough  
__ -Coughing up blood (hemoptysis)  
__ -Shortness of breath  
__ -Hoarseness  
__ -Pain in the chest, back, shoulder or arms  
__ -Repeated episodes of pneumonia or bronchitis  
__ -Wheezing  
__ -Fatigue  
_ -Unintentional weight loss  
_ __ -Loss of appetite

**_Life Expectancy: 6-9 Months_ **

It was a good thing that Luffy was a heavy sleeper. Waking up to find his older brother heaving in the bathroom would have brought up too many questions. Questions he finally had answers to.


	9. Reconcile

There was a limit to how much he could stand and it had long been surpassed by this point. He was tempted to just stick a knife in the keyhole or resort to the classic bobby pin. Turns out there was no need for any of that. Luffy had a key. Smart kid. Gullible and annoying at times, but smart when it came to things like this.

Sabo slid the key in place, a satisfying click resounding in the air as he pushed open the door he hadn't touched in more than two years.

Paintings, some finished and others just beginning- they littered the floor and walls, propped up in some places and stacked in others. The smell of paint wasn't as pungent as he had been expecting, though Ace did most of the actual work in the study so that shouldn't have been too surprising. What  _ was _ surprising was the sprawled out figure of the raven on his desk, one arm hanging limply at his side while the other was being used as a cushion of sorts.

The sense of panic that rose like a great, crashing wave was unnecessary, the snores reaching Sabo's ears before he fully crossed the room. Still, Sabo continued forwards, footfalls nearly silent as he moved to stand a mere yard or so away. Seeing him sleeping was a good sign after all, certainly an improvement from when he first came home, tired and edgy.

The bags were still visible beneath his eyes, Sabo frowning at the observation. Even with Luffy coming in to help out it was still painfully obvious that Ace was lacking sleep. He crouched beside him now, head propped up with one hand as he watched his brother silently. There was hair in his face again, though, there always seemed to be. Ace's hair had always been like that, unruly and wild.

Sabo had always been the one to reprimand him about it, making an effort to brush the locks out of his face whenever he could under the guise of sternness. Best not to let Ace know that it was all just an excuse to touch him. Especially with how rocky it had been between them the  _ last  _ time he was here.

_ "So, you're leaving us." Ace's eyes bore into him and Sabo swallowed, willing a sharpness into his gaze as he turned to face the raven. There was a hollow note of fact in Ace's voice and it was pissing him off to no end. Easy to fake anger when he was goading him on...again. _

_ "You make it sound like I'm never coming back." Sabo turned away from him once more, grabbing a book before stuffing it into his nearly overflowing bag. "It's just a job, Ace. I don't know what you're getting so worked up over." The huff behind his back told him that Ace thought otherwise. _

_ "Why not just get a job near here then? Hell, that's what I did! Why do you have to go so damn far-" _

_ "Because it's what  _ **_pays_ ** _!" Damn it all. Sabo tugged his hand to the side with unnecessary force, zipping up the last of the pockets of his bag with a note of finality. Ace was unnervingly silent, Sabo aware of the dark eyes drilling into the back of his head. His shoulders slumped and he sighed. "Why can't you see that I'm doing the right thing here...? Don't you want to be able to send Lu off to college?" It was a low blow and they both knew it. Even without looking back, Sabo knew that Ace had flinched. _

_ "That's not fair..." _

_ Sabo shook his head, finally glancing back again. Ace's head was down, arms crossed and knuckles white from stress. Sabo fought down the urge to walk closer and wrap his arms around him. No. That would just make this all harder. His voice was softer when he spoke next. "You're the one not being fair about this, Ace... It's not like I'm leaving forever." _

_ Wrong thing to say apparently. Ace shot his head upwards, meeting Sabo's gaze only a second before he turned. The door slammed shut after him. _

_ Hurt, betrayal, loss. _

_ Sabo rubbed at the back of his neck, another sigh escaping into the tense air. That was a look he wouldn't be forgetting anytime soon… _

Sabo blinked, the memory fading into the background, shattering in the light of the situation before him now. Ace was still sleeping, breathing even and form relaxed. Completely different from that day. Completely different when compared to the jumble of nerves he seemed to be as of late as well. Like this, he was calm. The calm before the storm. Sabo chuckled at the thought.

Ace shifted slightly, another lock of hair falling into his face. Sabo didn't stop himself this time. The touch was light as fingertips brushed away the soft hair, lingering on his cheek before falling away again. Dark eyes peeled open slowly and Sabo froze, sucking in a sharp breath.

_ Fuck. _

"...Hey..." Ace blinked, still rising from sleep as he focused on the blonde before him. Sabo didn't move, frozen where he sat though both hands were at his side once more. He swallowed thickly, still refusing to break eye contact. Because, for the first time since he came back, Ace was holding his gaze. Dark eyes blinked again before glancing slowly at the door and then back to Sabo.

"You broke in...?" His brows furrowed, tired confusion crossing his face. Sabo almost laughed. It was such a complete contrast when compared to the glares he had been receiving as of lately.

"Not quite, though I could if I wanted to." Sabo held up the key and recognition crossed over Ace's face slowly. He smiled and Sabo returned the expression. It was small, but that was the first genuine smile he had seen on Ace's face since he got home. Home from the hospital.

Again questions shot through his mind, endless and repetitive, and again he pushed them back. Ace was smiling. He didn't want to chase it away again.  _ I've done that enough already. _ The thought was bitter and his smile almost faltered.

Hesitantly, he reached out once more to twine fingers through Ace's hair. It was a relief when his hand wasn't slapped away, even more so when Ace's eyes fell shut once more. "Hnn...You could have just knocked you know..." Sabo smiled at the comment, still rubbing circles into Ace's scalp.

"I would have woken you up though." He propped up his head once more, relaxing now that Ace had as well. "Well, I guess I did anyway..." Ace's smile spread slowly before fading once more. It was alarming to see just how tired he was. Normally he'd have put up some sort of fight. For him to be allowing any of this was just... Well, unnerving. Nice, but frightening.

_ What happened to you...? _

Ace tensed and Sabo blinked in surprise. A moment passed before he realized that those same words had been spoken aloud. "Ahh...no. Sorry. Forget I asked. It's fine." It wasn't though, was it?

Ace was watching him again now, eyes steady and fully awake this time.  _ Fear.  _ He only caught a brief glance before Ace was pushing himself up and out of his chair. Sabo remained where he sat, eyes trailing after him. The questions were back. Sabo leaned back against the bed, hand rising to cover his eyes as he sighed. He could hear Ace moving about in his room though no words were spoken.

Silent treatment, huh?

"We're worried about you, you know. If you can't tell Luffy, then you should at least tell me." His comment was met by silence... again. "Tch..." Sabo grit his teeth, fighting against frustration. "People don't just cough up blood Ace. It doesn't work like that. What did they tell you and why are you keeping it from us?" He was silent for a long moment, Sabo about ready to give up and leave when the words sliced through his thoughts.

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it." The bathroom door shut with a click, leaving Sabo alone in Ace's room once more.

Funny, he would have preferred the silence. Anything was better than a lie.


	10. Amber Fire

"What would you do if you found out you only had half a year left to live?" Furious coughing filled the air and Ace bit back a laugh at the sight of his flustered friend. Alcohol down the wrong tube. It hurt just thinking about it.

"You-" More coughing. Ace didn't bother to bite back his laughter this time, leaning back in his stool as he set his own glass down upon the bar counter. "Are you d-drunk already?" Thatch shot Ace a stunned glance even as he gulped down a large amount of water. His shoulders were still shaking with the after effects of choking, a fact Ace easily took note of.

His glass was nearly untouched, Ace swirling the cup absentmindedly as he watched the swirls of amber gold dance from rim to rim, following the gentle pull of gravity as he tilted the glass from side to side. "You know I'm not." He was still smiling though it had faded some now, a small reminisce of what it had been a moment before. "Just a thought. Say someone told you tonight that you were dying. What would you do?"

Ace glanced up to meet the eyes of his shaken friend. Thatch was still looking at him like he was crazy. Maybe he was. Why else would he ask him such a question? It wasn't exactly the  _ usual  _ drunken conversation, even with only one of them near such a state.

Bright lights and city streets. They rushed by as if on fast forward as Ace turned his gaze up and beyond the window pane. Thatch was silent at his side, watching him. Ace was too past the point of caring to completely slide the mask in place. "Like, would you just wait for it to come? Would you try to fight it or just try to enjoy the time you have left?"

There was a sloshing of liquid besides him, Thatch evidently deciding that he wasn't drunk enough for this yet. "I guess it depends... On the person, I mean. Some would probably just waste all of their leftover resources- travel the world or do something reckless and stupid." He took another drink and Ace finally turned to meet his gaze. "Most people would spend that time with family, but you know me." He shrugged and Ace took another drink, nodding softly.

"We don't have much family..." It was just a fact. Sure, Thatch had a sister back home, but for the most part, they were the same. Neither had grown up with parents. Thatch and Marco kinda had Newgate for that role though.

Thatch laughed, clapping a hand onto Ace's shoulder in a familiar gesture. "Yeah, no kidding. Rather have this than a whole troupe of annoyances though." Ace smiled. "What about you?" Thatch leaned forwards, arms folding beneath his chin as he stared back at Ace. "What would you do if you found out you were dying?"

Ace's smile spread, not knowing why. He tossed a few bills on the counter before pushing himself up. "I'm still figuring that out. Thanks for the drink man. Drag the pineapple's ass with you next time. Marco's missin' out." He tossed the words over his shoulder, already slipping his jacket on over his dark shirt. Thatch laughed behind him and Ace was happy. If there was one person he could count on to avoid questioning, it was Thatch. Wickedly smart guy, but the one person willing to let sleeping dogs lie.

"I'll drag him if you bring that brother of yours around next time." Ace shook his head, laughing lightly as he began the walk towards the door. A hand was held up, dismissive wave sent behind him as the bell rang above the door.

"Don't hold your breath Thatch. I haven't seen that guy drink in years. I'm not sure if he even  _ does _ drink anymore. I'll try, but no promises." More laughter was cut off as the door banged shut behind him. Ace glanced up at the rolling clouds above, rain a sleet of cold that washed over everything beyond the small overhand he currently resided beneath. The usual annoyance but Ace didn't mind for once. They needed some rain anyway. Besides, the sound was soothing.

Flipping his hood up, he stepped out into the onslaught with that same fragile smile upon his face. Every Friday brought the same thing. A routine set in place over nearly a year and a half now. Each Friday found him here, just outside the Liquid Fire, a small pub where they knew both he and Thatch by name. It was a small comfort.

Luffy was used to it of course, hardly batting an eye when Ace grabbed his jacket. Sabo was an entirely different matter. Hell, Ace wouldn't be surprised if Sabo had tracked him here, a chip in his phone or something. Ace laughed, shaking his head as he paused in his steps upon the soaked sidewalk. Rain hit his face as he tilted his head up, eyes closing against the onslaught and to shield his eyes from the blinding light of the street lamp besides him.

_ ' - Just waste all of their leftover resources - travel the world or do something reckless and stupid.' _

Nah, that wasn't much of an option, was it? Most expenses were going towards their rent and Luffy's school charges. It would give himself away as well. Ace had never been much of a spender. Sure, there was the occasional splurge. He had finally purchased his motorcycle last fall. Not that he was using it tonight. The bar was only a short walk from home. Why risk the chance of theft when he could just walk home?

_ 'Spend that time with family.' _

Ace opened his eyes once more as a car sped past, water splashing up as a tire drove through a pothole. His eyes traveled after the taillights a moment before feet stepped off and into the street. He was on a bridge, speeding cars blurring together below as he glanced over the edge before continuing on. Wind whipped at his face, spraying moisture and chill into his face. Ace ignored it all, only pausing a second to wipe water from his eyelashes.

**_'What would you do if you found out you only had half a year left to live?'_ **

How many people had he asked that now? Thatch was probably the fourth. He had of course avoided asking either Luffy or Sabo. Asking either of them was just  _ begging  _ for trouble. Far easier to ask those that were unaware of his childhood 'cough' and his recent adventure at the hospital. Still, the results were interesting.

_ 'Finish all the things on your bucket list.' _

_ ' - Make things right with my family...' _

_ 'Why change anything? It's not like it would make any difference.' _

Ace wasn't walking anymore, still standing on that bridge. The rain had let up some but his hoodie was soaking wet. Little late to notice that he was cold... Ace shoved his hands into his pockets, thankful that it was at least remotely warm there. It wasn't until a car screeched to a halt behind him that Ace turned.

"You fucking moron! How long have you been standing there?!" Ace blinked, a few strands of wet hair clinging to his face as he locked gazes with furious blue. Sabo leaned forward, passenger door practically thrown open. Still, Ace didn't more, simply staring dumbly for a moment too long. Sabo looked about ready to explode. "You gonna stand there all night or get in?"

The smile spread slowly across his face as Ace stepped off the curb, one leg stepping in before he bent his head and shut the door behind him. "I was almost home. You didn't have to-" Something soft hit his face and Ace was cut off, cold fingers leaving the comfort of his pockets to instead pull the blanket off of his head. He stared at it even as Sabo reached over to crank up the heat.

"You were gone too long." It was the only answer he was given as Sabo started down the street once more. Ace leaned back into the seat, pulling his hood down to instead wrap the blanket around his neck.

"And you worry too much." Still, it was kinda nice... Ace closed his eyes, tilting his head to the side so that the heat could hit his face. The silence was heavy, Ace overly aware of the last conversation that had been held between them. If it could really count as such. Luffy's words cut through his thoughts and Ace sighed. Slowly, he opened his eyes once more to glance in the blonde's direction.

He was looking straight ahead, jaw locked with tension and knuckles white where they gripped onto the steering wheel. His hair was wet, making Ace wonder if he had wandered around looking for him. Seemed like a lot of trouble to go through for someone that might  _ 'hate'  _ him. Two years and this was the first time he had actually taken the time to get a good look at him.

He looked, well...older. It was a sad realization. Two years ago he had still looked like the same sarcastic brat he met on the streets all those years ago. Now though, the passing years were painfully obvious. His hair was a bit longer, blonde curling around his ears and forehead. He was taller of course, a fact that grated at Ace. That stupid belief that he would catch up to Sabo in height one day was obviously flawed.

None of that really bothered Ace though. It was that edge in his eyes that got to him. There was something guarded about the way he looked now- like he was holding everything back. A two way street probably. How was he supposed to expect Sabo to loosen up when he wouldn't do the same? Once there had been nothing unspoken between them, but now... It was as if there was an impossibly high wall and Ace was too tired to scale it or break it down one brick at a time.

Sabo glanced back at him from the corner of his eye and Ace looked away on instinct, chastising himself as he stared at the rain out his window. Sabo sighed but didn't speak. No, it was Ace who spoke next.

"I don't hate you." The car almost swerved and Ace smirked, still staring out the window and ignoring the sharp intake of breath besides him. "Luffy said you might think so. Just wanted you to know that I don't. Never did." Silence once more stretched between them, Ace taking note as they took another turn. Sabo was going the long way.

_ Probably should have noticed that _ earlier.

Ace risked another glance back at Sabo, surprised by what he saw. He looked away again before Sabo could catch the glance.

_ Sabo was smiling. _

"I'm glad." Barely a whisper yet far more than Ace had been expecting in return. A smile of his own spread across freckled cheeks when the car pulled to a stop besides the apartment building. Keys clattered and the heating died off as the car was shut off. Neither moved at first, staring out at the rain that continued to beat against the hood of the car.

"You should go in and get warm."

"Don't tell me what to do, Curly."

Both were still smiling when they walked back into the apartment much to the amusement of the young raven lounging across the couch.


	11. Disconnect

Okay, the first few days had been expected, the week a pleasant ( if slightly annoying ) surprise. It was honestly nice to have him around, especially after Ace had been given time to come to terms with this new found knowledge. In fact, the extra time was somewhat of a blessing though he'd be loathe to ever admit it. A month gone by and Sabo was  _ still  _ lurking around.

Over four full weeks since his little 'adventure' at the hospital, and Sabo was a near constant presence at his side, unsettling and confusing. It was a wonder Ace hadn't snapped yet.

Ace groaned under his breath, long fingers knitting through the dark, messy locks at the nape of his neck. Blunt nails dug slightly into sensitive skin, a minuscule pain to draw thoughts away from the matter at hand. Far easier thought than done. Sure, the blonde had to leave for work or whatever it was he did every once in awhile and he was  _ constantly  _ on the laptop when he was here, for he  _ was _ here. He had taken to claiming the living room as his own, since Ace still refused to make room for him in his studio. Seemed to have moved right back in really, not that Ace would have stopped him. Still, it was weird to see him in such a familiar setting, dark eyes trailing to his form for not the first time to watch him silently. Sabo hardly glanced up from whatever he was working on. Only the frantic clack of keyboard keys sounded through the air, dull and boring to Ace's ears.

Startling cerulean glanced up to meet with ash and Ace blinked in surprise before breaking the gaze to stare upwards at the ceiling. He ignored the sigh that reached his ears in response, a small pang of regret buried beneath the knowledge of what was necessary in such situations. Meeting Sabo's gaze was a dangerous thing to do no matter how long had passed since the raven learner of his...well, it wasn't much of a future, was it? A rather disconcerting thought. One he was forced to live with. Well, for now.

So many weeks passing by and still his 'brother' stayed, a constant itch at the back of Ace's mind. Constantly meeting those bright eyes was a worry he was incapable of escaping. Not without reason of course. Sabo was bound to ask eventually, yet  _ still  _ Ace delayed the inevitable, pushing back the facts as long as he could. A month and no one knew. A notch on the calendar in his room that he kept hidden. Most would think him insane to mark down the days, but to Ace, each mark was another day surpassed, a small testament against-

"Is there something you've always wanted to do?"

The consistent tap of keys ground to a halt suddenly, silence stretching in the air a long moment before Ace turned to stare at the other, Sabo evidently still musing over his sudden question. Ace continued, "A dream or anything perhaps? Maybe just one place in particular that you always wanted to visit?" He tilted his head to the side, risking a glance into his own eyes. And still Sabo stared at him, thin frown etched across his lips as he watched the lounging raven. His gaze was unnerving, Ace tempted to break it once more.

"Seems an odd question. Why the sudden curiosity?" Typing continued, noticeably slower as bright eyes glanced up occasionally at Ace. It was as if Sabo expected him to disappear into thin air or something, maybe disperse into bubbles like that one witch or fairy or whatever. 

He shrugged, turning onto his back once more to stare up at the ceiling as his arms folded behind his head. He was propped up slightly on the couch. Arms and head resting against one end while his feet stretched out across the length of the couch cushions.

"Just wondering I guess. I never thought about any goals myself, so I just-" He shrugged again, fumbling with his own words. Lips parted and then shut once more before he risked a glance in Sabo's direction. His brother was staring back at him now, expression unreadable and fingers still where they hovered above black keys. "Maybe I'm just weird..." Once more his gaze drifted away, Ace focusing on the individual indents within the ceiling, mapping out the rough texture as he tried and failed to count each dot.

* * *

_ I've always wanted to try kissing you. _

Probably not the response Ace was looking for, but the first thought to come to mind. How he hated this damn silence. It was one thing to go so long without a call or text in response from the raven, but this? He had assumed that things would be better once he returned, but everything had been a nonstop roller coaster since his phone first buzzed with that message from Luffy, a message that  _ still  _ grated at his mind more than he cared to admit. Despite whatever Ace may say, and how desperately he seemed to brush the subject off, people didn't just cough up blood and walk away with a skip in their step. The world didn't work like that.

"I suppose traveling would be nice." Sabo watched him silently, cerulean irises searching the freckled figure even as his eyes averted yet  _ again.  _ It was annoying really. He had always liked Ace's eyes, but now they seemed only to hide unspoken secrets. There had never been secrets between the two when they were younger. Now the very air was heavy with them, a blanket of pressure that pressed down on them both.

The question was still grating at him, a surprise when Ace had been so silent as of lately. Even more disturbing was the reasoning behind it. Why did it suddenly matter now when it had never come up before? "You're not weird." His gaze dropped down to keys once more though they still remained still, frozen as thoughts buffeted his mind in a relentless barrage. "Okay, maybe you're a little weird, but not for that. Why does it even matter anyway? You've got plenty of time to think about things like that."

* * *

Words that sliced through his mentality like a thin blade through bread. Ace was suddenly thankful for Sabo's downturned gaze. It would have been difficult to rationalize the flinch that jolted through his form. No, if there was one thing Ace lacked, it was  _ time.  _ The passing of each second far out of his reach, like trying to grip at air. It only slid past him, indifferent to his struggles against an oncoming storm. Time would not stop for just one man no matter how that man begged.

Ace swallowed the thoughts, burying them deep as he found himself doing all too often recently. Bury it and forget. It was like burying a box in the backyard and leaving it there for twenty years. Unfortunately, someone else would have to be the one to dig out this box in particular. Things concealed were not meant to be shared -  _ Not yet -  _ A voice whispered at the back of his mind. The raven dashed that thought to pieces too. No. It was better not to tell. He would not be the one to admit to his twisted fate.

He licked at his lips, fingers unknowingly loosening from where they had been gripping at his own dark locks painfully. Tension was a coil at his center. One he was winding farther and farther. Who knew when it would snap and spring to life in full, fiery force.

He had been silent too long he realized, blinking troubling thoughts away as he once more glanced at the blonde. A blonde who was watching him  _ again.  _ Damn it. He really had to be more careful around Sabo. Two years away, and he was still probably the person who knew Ace best. Irritating fact, but true.

"So, why don't you? Travel, I mean?" Ace pushed himself up from his reclined position, one leg slipping from the couch to rest upon the floor as he rolled a shoulder. "You've certainly made enough money if you're still sending those stupid checks." His comment was met with a strangled noise of frustration and Ace  _ almost  _ quirked a corner of his lips up in a half-smirk.

"Do you know how  **frustrating** it is to get my own envelope back in the mail every month, Ace? The guy who delivers my mail probably thinks I'm insane." Words muttered lowly and nearly dripping with irritation. Ace's faint smile fell at his words, dark eyes staring forwards and into the still light sky outside.  _ Huh...  _ He must have been laying there a while if it was already well into the afternoon.

Sabo continued, an aggravated sigh escaping into the otherwise silent air. "You could at least explain to me why..." There was a weariness to his tone that caught Ace's attention. Yet, still, he did not turn. He had met Sabo's gaze enough already. More and he would be risking more than his own pride.

A sigh of his own rippled through silent air, tension a second skin upon them both as Ace visibly deflated. Fingers wove a path through his hair, sending short pinpricks of sensation through his scalp. He probably should have expected this turn in the conversation earlier. How many of those envelopes had he sent back during that long time? How many calls dropped and texts deleted from his phone memory before the messages fully reached his eyes?

_ Too many.  _ The simplicity of that answer was almost painful.

"Because I don't want them. I thought that much was clear. I don't  _ want  _ your fucking money Sabo. I never have. It pisses me off that you left because you thought it was the right thing to do. It pisses me off because  _ part  _ of me knows that you're right, but it's worthless if you're so damn far away!" He snapped out the last part, alarmed by the truth behind his own words. Ace didn't dare risk a glance towards Sabo, gaze stubbornly glued forward, sharpened in sudden and irrational irritation. Again there was silence, this one heavy and harsh. A hand rose to cover his face and Ace sighed once more. "I just hate it, okay? I could care less if we're living on the streets as long as it's still the three of us. The only reason we're not is because I want Lu to have a shot at his own future."

There was a rustle from Sabo's direction but Ace only squeezed his eyes shut, continuing in a hushed tone. "You left and it just felt wrong. Now you're back, and I don't know whether to hit you or hug you, so I just-"  _ Do nothing.  _ Ace grit his teeth. It was hard to hold back the truth once he started. "And now this  _ thing,  _ and there's really something I should tell you, but I don't-"

A hand pulled at his own and Ace blinked in surprise, face rising only for something soft to hit his lips.

It took longer than it should have to recognize the action as a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Wow, six hits already. Pfft, at least wait for me to finish posting it all guys


	12. Nicotine

Something to be said about a kiss. They were sweet things, a pleasant gift in most situations. Innocent on any normal day, but with so many roiling emotions hiding just beneath the surface of locked lips. Sweet was not how Ace would describe this situation. There was nothing innocent or hesitant about this, a quiet demand that stole air from lungs already short as it was.

Dark eyes were wide as they stared forward, locked on closed eyelids that rest so close to his own. Shock a drug that permeated through his veins, a toxin waiting to reach both heart and mind- Waiting to tear his world apart brick by brick, stone by stone. Vaguely Ace was aware of the finger beneath his chin, thumb a guide that tilted his head upwards. And then there were the lips that covered his own. It wasn't a hard kiss. No, he had been kissed before, but not like this. It was firm, yes, but light at the same time. The softness of lips against his own that pulled back hesitantly when there was no response in kind. Another pang, Ace unable to identify the emotion that flashed through him as cerulean irises slid open to peer back at him.

Ace was still, shock still evident in ashen pools as he stared back at Sabo. Once more there was silence between the two, Ace desperately grasping at any semblance of thought and failing miserably. "-You j-just-but..." Nope. That wasn't working. A noise died at the back of his throat, heat a plague as it burned across both neck and freckled cheeks.

_ Sabo just kissed him. _

Why was that fact just now sinking in, bright eyes boring into his own and Ace incapable of looking away for the first time in what felt like years. The hand dropped from his chin though Sabo made no move to release his hand. It was a strange comfort really, a rock to anchor himself to as he fought against the storm. Convenient when that same storm was mirrored in oceanic eyes. Regret was not an emotion Ace caught in that gaze. Worry and something else, but not regret. Never regret.

Sabo was still silent, seemingly waiting for something. What that could be slipped past his mind, Ace grasping at air that instead rushed between his fingers, sand in his hands. Another noise, this one frustration crushed to pieces in the back of his throat, ashen pools still wide as he openly stared at the other.

"...Sorry." The word was like a hammer against glass, shattering the tense silence that seemed to shroud over everything. Ace all but flinched at the utterance, eyes trailing upward from lips to blue. Both were a bad place to look, especially with the lie still hanging in the air.

_ Sorry...  _ Even a fool would know that to be the lie it was. He wasn't sorry. Not in the slightest. The fact that he would even voice such an 'apology' was foolish- stupid really. "No you're not." And there it was, his mind finally sliding back into place like a puzzle piece finding it's place in the maze. Odd how large a change a single piece could make.

Oddly enough, it was Sabo that broke eye contact this time, gaze dropping to rest who knew where. "No, I guess you're right."

Ace bit back a sarcastic  _ Damn right I am.  _ Not the time nor the place though it might have lightened the mood slightly. He leaned forward instead, forehead falling to rest upon the other's shoulder. He could feel Sabo flinch in surprise but made no move to retreat. Instead dark irises fell shut, a sigh parting slightly bruised lips.

_ Thanks for that. _

"...Ace...?"

The raven practically growled in response, eyes squeezing shut farther and fingers tightening around Sabo's. "Shut up. I'm thinking." Another lie of course. Ace was doing anything  _ but  _ thinking. He didn't want to think. Was that really so bad?

He could hear the blond swallow. "What about?"

Oh, he wanted to punch him in that moment.

"You just kissed me. What do you  _ think  _ I'm thinking about?" There was a short laugh, the action causing a slight shaking of shoulders that Ace felt.

"And you didn't punch me. Imagine my surprise."

Ace didn't bother to bite back a short laugh of his own, smile spreading across his features. "I didn't, did I?" He'd be lying if the thought hadn't occurred to him. Though, Ace had done enough lying as of late already. "You going to tell me why...?"

Silence and then a sigh. Sabo's other hand rose, fingers knitting through Ace's hair. Dark eyes peered open only a moment before falling shut again, no complaint raised. "Are you seriously going to make me say it?"

Another stretch of silence, Ace weighing over the options. On one end, he wanted to hear it, to hear everything. On the other, what was he really getting himself into here? Would there be any going back if Sabo voiced his thoughts and reasoning? Another pang, this one sharper. No, there would never be any way back. The past was the past no matter how you looked at it. No matter how one begged for change, once something was written, the ink could not be removed from the paper of the past. And with the end of his own story drawing nearer,  _ what did he really have to _ lose?

"Say it."

There was a sharp intake of breath, tension a tightly wrung spring within the blond. And then the lengthy sigh as that same air was released. It was interesting, resting his head this close. Ace could hear his heartbeat, a frantic drum that both calmed and unsettled him. Fingers were still knit through the raven's hair, Sabo's fingers tensing slightly though Ace made no move to complain at the tiny pinpricks of pain that rippled through the sensitive nerve endings.

Thump.

Thump.

"...I love you."

**Thump.**

Now it was Ace's turn to tense. Dark eyes flashed open in surprise as the words hung in the thin space between them, suspended like a fly caught in an ever present web that spun around the two. And suddenly Ace had a lot more to lose than he previously thought.

A burning was forming in his lungs, too long passing before Ace realized that he had stopped breathing. The fingers were still against his scalp, pressing slightly now instead of pulling at his hair. And in that moment Ace realized who was more scared out of the two of them, Sabo seeming to press Ace's head into his shoulder, a way of preventing him from leaving.

And Ace didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay there. A breath slipped past his lips. Another, and another. It hurt to breathe but he refused to cough. He was not about to shatter this  _ thing _ , whatever it was between them.

He had been silent too long.

Again the raven focused in on that steady pounding within Sabo's chest. It was heavy, loud even as it beat against unyielding ribs.

"...You love me." It wasn't a question, Ace merely testing out the words on his own lips. It was a soft utterance, hesitant and bewildering. How strange to voice such a powerful emotion. Love was something seen from afar, witnessed in movies or in the passing streets and cafe's. It wasn't something Ace had ever been able to hear or see or  _ touch.  _ A strange philosophy that escaped his reach.

A sigh slipped into silent air, stirring his hair and tickling the sensitive skin of Ace's ear as Sabo's breath washed past him. Past and away. Ace found himself smiling. It was a small, fragile thing but a smile none the less. There was little to no rational thought behind the action but he could care less. He was allowed to be happy, wasn't he?

"You're killing me, Ace... Please don't make me repeat myself..." The smile spread farther and Ace rose, only vaguely saddened to feel fingers loosen from his hair and drop back to Sabo's side. It didn't really matter at that point anyway. He was more fueled more by curiosity now.

There was a dash of crimson against familiar cheeks, jaw grit tightly even as those same stunning eyes met with ash. And for once, Ace didn't want to look away.

_ You love me. _

He didn't voice that echo of Sabo's words again this time, content to let the thought ring through his mind. Fear and excitement. It was an odd mixture of emotions, a wave rising but refusing to crest over the shore. A terrifying comfort. Fingers tightened around Ace's own, the raven reminded that Sabo still held his hand in his own. Nervous tension as Sabo's eyes dropped to Ace's smile before raising once more. "...Are you going to say anything...?" The hand that rest at his side tightened and Ace pushed down the temptation to laugh.

"How long?" Ace leaned back slightly, words escaping in little over a whisper.

Sabo's expression was almost comical. Probably not what he had wanted to hear. Still, Ace was curious. Sabo swallowed and Ace suddenly longed for the ability to hear his heartbeat again. Watching the expressions that crossed over the blond's face was more important though. Worth it.

"Since before I left..."

Ace crossed his legs in front of him, not once breaking that connection to Sabo in his grasp as he instead shifted the joined hands to just above an ankle. "And how long before that?" A soft swear slid through the air, Sabo's free hand rising to cover his face. How different it was to see him so unraveled before him. It was a marvel Ace was unaccustomed to.

"Damn it Ace... A while, okay? Are you going to stop quizzing me now?" Mystic cerulean hid behind the palm of Sabo's hand and Ace held back a huff in response. It was almost fun to watch emotions swirl in those eyes, eyes he had avoided too long. He didn't think as his own free hand shot out to grip Sabo's, pulling it away from the blond's face with fading smile upon his lips. There was no resistance which surprised Ace at first but he was quick to recover.

He brought the upturned palm forward, gaze never leaving blue as he pulled the digits to his lips, lingering kiss placed like a gift before Ace rose from the couch in one smooth movement. "Okay." He held both hands a second before releasing them, back turned as footfalls carried him away and towards his room.

There was a stunned silence left in his wake and Ace truly had to fight back the laugh that threatened to reveal itself at the sudden shuffle behind him as Sabo turned to stare back at him. "Okay what...?"

Ace turned at his door, smile widening into a grin. "Okay." The door shut behind him and silence fell once more only to be shattered a moment later.

"ACE?"


	13. Sleepless Nights

Time passed by too quickly, grains of sand that fell in an endless weight, a mountain of stress to pile against his shoulders in increasing tension. A hand rose to rub at his face, shoulders slack as sigh parted lips to brush through cooling air. There was a tightness in his throat that was becoming more prominent, a constant irritation now that brought coughs to life far more often than he would like. It was becoming increasingly difficult to pass off the raging coughs as little more than a lingering sickness, especially around Sabo. He was like a shadow now and days, ashen hues sliding past the comfort of sketchbook to rest across the length of bed too close and too far.

Sabo had taken to crashing in his room now, more out of stubborn belief that he could get Ace to sleep than anything else. It was amusing really, given his tendency to fall asleep before him anyway, Ace relying mainly on his own narcolepsy to draw him into sleep now. It was an annoying but welcome presence all the same, ashen grey falling upon the back of blond head as he focused on the even breathing that brushed through the air of his room.

He smiled at the memory of shared feelings, still taken aback by Sabo's confession, though that had been nearly two weeks ago now. There was a constant question in those cerulean eyes, one he had taken to meeting once more now if only in fleeting glances.

Love was a strange, foreign thing yet Sabo seemed so willing to share it with him, with the ticking time bomb that was rapidly becoming Ace's life. How was he supposed to express his own fears without tearing up the floor from beneath him? He was walking on thin ice, constantly fearing the moment icy chill rose up to meet with him and drag struggling form down into dawning abyss. That was not a dip he looked forward to, nor a path he had ever wanted to follow.

Another sigh rippled from his lips, light cough tensing shoulders as hand slipped from eyes to cover over lips and muffle any sound. He shivered, sudden chill passing down his spine as he struggled to control breathing and stifle short coughs before they grew worse. Sabo may be sleeping, but he wasn't an idiot. If he coughed up blood here, there would be no hiding it.

He bent forward, stiffing coughs with difficulty before pushing himself up from desk to head towards bathroom once more.

It was becoming his sanctuary of sorts, room taken over by Sabo now so that was out of the question. Funny really, given he had finally offered to clean out his studio and make room for Sabo to sleep there, yet he had insisted to stay in here. Ace didn't need a babysitter, but if anyone was going to watch over him, then it might as well be the irritating blond.

He wet a cloth, bringing it to his face with slight shaking of hands as he leaned back against the bathroom counter besides the sink. Damp chill to wake him up again. He didn't want to sleep, not when sleeping either ended in nightmares or coughing spills yet again.

Another cough shook his form and he turned to grip at counter in a vice like grip, cloth held over his lips as he bent over once more.

He hated this, hated the pain that came with each ripping cough and the weakness that lay just around the edge of thoughts. It was a sickness that spread and devoured, Ace again reminded of the passing weight of time, each second a second lost. To think of time was to think of how much time he had  _ left, _ an impossible crashing fear waiting just over the horizon.

Shaking spread from fingers to shoulders, and no longer from the pain of coughs that still racked his form. When hand fell upon shoulder, he nearly jumped, eyes flashing up to stare into the depths of mirror only to meet with tired blue. Another cough and Ace shook his head, cloth pulled away from lips as he tossed it into the sink once more with a steadying breath.

"Ace..."

"I'm fine." He shook his head once more, not glancing into the mirror again to meet with his gaze and instead focusing upon the simple flow of water from faucet to rag, the pooling of liquid cut off with a quick twist of his wrist.  The rush of water faded, trickle left in it’s place with the condensation of liquid in the rag preventing a steady stream of escape into pipes. "Sorry I woke you up. Just go back to bed, okay?"

Grip tightened around his shoulder, sigh passing through the air behind him in now familiar action. The corner of Ace's lips quirked at the thought of Sabo getting grey hairs. He sounded like an old man, or a friend just on the edge of beating the crap out of him. Either way…

His grip loosened though the hand remained in stubborn weight upon his shoulder, a constant reminder that Sabo was in fact still there besides him. He had grown used to his company again, a bittersweet gift of sorts that left him suddenly struggling between a smile and a disheartened frown, settling bitterly upon a thin lipped mask of indifference. Would it have been better if Sabo hadn't come back, if he hadn't grown so close? 

It was Ace's turn to sigh now, one hand detaching from the rim of sink to encompass the blond's. His thumb rubbed absentmindedly at the other's knuckles, drawing thoughts away with surprising ease as he merely focused upon the warmth of his hand. No, he couldn't do that. Not to Sabo, his partner, his brother. He knew the blond well enough to know that if Sabo found out another way, if he wasn't here... He would only end up blaming himself and that was something Ace refused to accept. 

"...Ace..."

A weight fell upon his other shoulder and the raven finally glanced back up into the mirror once more to see Sabo's head resting there. Soft curls tickled the skin of his exposed neck, fully aware of the warmth of breath washing over him as the male rest a margin of his weight upon his back. It was warm and Ace voiced no complaint, only continuing to stroke his thumb across Sabo's knuckles softly. It was a mindless comfort, ash boring into golden curls as a low hum rose to his lips. He wouldn't be surprised if Sabo fell asleep once more just like this, despite what a hassle it would prove to be. 

An arm wrapped loosely around his waist but he tensed all the same, unused to such contact and Sabo evidently still half asleep. 

“You need to tell me what’s going on…”

The grip around his waist tightened and he swallowed thickly, suddenly considering the arm around his waist to be very deliberate, a way to cut off any form of escape. He groaned, leaning back against the blond with a dull flash of irritation quickly overshadowed by inescapable fear. It coursed through him, evident in the gradual tensing of limbs, as if the floodgates had been opened and allowed to flood every nerve and sense with the heavy weight. It sank across thoughts like a black sludge, tar to encompass everything. 

He wasn’t ready to admit to this yet, unwilling to delve into the darkness that crept just outside his field of vision and into the unknown. Like this Luffy and Sabo were safe, safe in fragile ignorance. Sabo was back within their lives and he couldn’t stand to be the one to tear it apart this time. This life and fleeting happiness that was bound to unravel around them soon, trip up any attempt at defying this twisted fate he was being lead down. He couldn’t drag them down with them, couldn’t let either of them know. 

Ash fell shut with lips parted in silent exhale. “...I can’t, Sabo. Not now, not yet. Just…” He gripped at the hand still upon his shoulder now in a vain attempt at comfort only to quickly fall away and drop his hand from Sabo’s. “I’m sorry” 

A groan of frustration met in retort, loud with Sabo nuzzled so close to his neck. He could feel the tension in his grip, an exhaustion of an entirely different nature clinging to his brother like a suffocating cloak. Lips met naked neck in a fleeting kiss, washing away the rigidity of tense limbs as another sigh rose from Ace’s lips to stir through otherwise quiet air. 

He still had yet to properly answer Sabo’s confession, stuck between the urgings of his heart and the hushed warning of his mind. To admit his own feelings in return would be to sentence the blond to only increased pain, but to deny everything would only leave the worst of lies to hang between them. 

Was love worth the agony it would bring aside welcome joy? Could he really give Sabo everything only to tear it all away again within a few months? He flinched at the very thought of encroaching demise, arms only wrapping around him tighter so that his back pressed against the blond’s chest. 

He should push him away, but found himself incapable of abandoning embrace, the home envisioned within these arms. 

“You don’t sleep. You don’t eat. Ace, you’re a fool if you think I haven’t noticed how weak you’ve looked recently. Even Luffy’s noticed it and yet you refuse to tell either of us what’s going on!” There was a shaky exhale of breath, warm as it brushed against his neck and Sabo’s fingers digging slightly into his sides. “Let us help you… Let me help you, please…” 


	14. Breathless

Three months now, the time blurring together like a faded picture, smudged at the edges and worn away. The effects were becoming more noticeable, harder to hide. He had lost weight, and it wasn't for lack of trying. Really, he  _ tired _ to eat, desperately attempted to meet that same bottomless stomach that his brothers were so capable of. The stench alone often had his stomach churning though, his lack of appetite becoming more and more apparent as their meals together continued. Of course he would pass it off as lingering effects of a cold, or slipping a small lie through the air, acting as if he had already eaten earlier and simply wasn’t hungry yet.

It wasn’t just that either. Exhaustion dragged at him, a near constant fatigue. It was starting to get in the way of his work, finding himself incapable of focussing for long periods of time. Sleep itself was difficult as it was already, the song of a siren calling him to his demise, a darkness where nightmares lurked and fear ruled with an iron fist. He couldn’t avoid it completely. Even with Sabo there most nights, arms wrapping around his waist and his even breathing to aide him, it was becoming more difficult to rest easily and the lack of sleep was beginning to have it’s own drain on him. 

Luffy never pried and it was a blessing in itself. Even then though, he would occasionally catch the younger raven watching him, hating those rare glimpses of seriousness that would rest in his gaze, questions unvoiced but still there. He could feel the other’s eyes on him like a brand against his skin, well aware of how strained some of his younger brother’s smiles seemed now and how he wasn’t going out as often with his friends, instead making up excuses to linger around the apartment more. Well, at least  _ he _ was subtle about it.

Sabo was another matter entirely.

It had started off with small things, the blond offering to cook which he  _ never _ did, and for good reason too. Of course those offers were turned down as soon as they rose, both Ace and Luffy preferring to eat food that didn’t appear as if it had rest at the bottom of the over for a month before crawling out and settling on a plate. The gestures didn’t end there though, not that Ace would have even expected the to by this point. No, it was anything from a more expressed interest in his paintings to insisting to go with the raven whenever he went out as well. Sure, he played it off as simple boredom or true interest, but Ace wasn’t stupid, not when it came to Sabo.

The more time that passed, the more evident it was that his efforts to keep everything hidden were not going completely unnoticed. 

It was, well… terrifying.

And then there were the doctor visits. 

Starting in his second month after the initial prognosis, they began requesting that he come in for regular checkups just as a means of tracking the spread of the cancer as best as possible. It was too late for anything to really be done; they all knew that. It still didn’t stop the tests though and it was one of the only ways in which Ace could keep tabs as well, always hesitant to ask for a more detailed life expectancy, but asking nonetheless. 

He repeatedly told himself that he was going just so that he would have a better awareness, a better estimate of time so that he wouldn’t be caught unaware. If he was being completely honest though, a part of the reason was just to escape the apartment a little bit, to get away from the only real family he had and the almost painful show of concern that was being shown to him each and every day.

Only problem was, it was becoming increasingly more difficult to get to these checkups.

The first time he had a coughing fit while he was riding his motorcycle, he nearly crashed, unable to properly stifle them with a proper helmet on. In the end, he was forced to pull over, not even capable of properly parking his bike before he bent like a bow and leaned against the edge of the interstate. The cars blurred before him for a moment, only keeping himself upright and conscious out of sheer force of will when his hand came back stained in that same damning shade of deep red.

He didn’t make it to the clinic that day, or the next. Instead he spent that time fretting over his bike and making sure that the small scratches his ride had earned were properly buffed out and fixed, nothing left to throw up any red flags. 

The next time he took his bike, he wore his goggles instead. That was he was able to help stifle all but the worst of his coughing fits. 

It was only growing worse though, well aware that the day where he was no longer able to ride on his own was fast approaching. What would happen when that day arrived, when he was incapable of even taking care of himself? 

It was a question that was surfacing more and more with each passing week.

* * *

His first case of pneumonia hit him unexpectedly. 

By this point in time, he was used to waking up in the middle of the night with that same scratch in his throat, that early warning sign of a coughing fit that was only occasionally beaten back with water and cough drops. This time when he reached out for his glass of water, his vision tilted. It wasn’t like what he was used to with his narcolepsy or even the rare dizzy spell. This time it felt as if his entire world was suddenly picked up and dumped sideways. His balance gone and everything thrown off kilter, all he was able to release was a small “Ahh,” before his vision swam and he found himself leaning over just a little too far. 

The next moment he was on the floor, vision fading in and out and heat flooding his senses despite how his entire body shivered as if plagued by a sudden winter chill. 

He missed the first exclamation of his noise, drowned out somewhere in between the thunder of his own heartbeat in his ears and the gasp for breath that tore from his lips, leaving his lungs to cry out in pain.

By the time arms were wrapping around him and his name was breathed through the air again, it was as if it was reaching him through a tunnel, faint and echoing. Darkness claimed him before he was even able to reply, a lie on the tip of his tongue and swallowed by the heat. He couldn’t help but feel that maybe that was a good thing.

* * *

When Ace first moved, he hardly noticed, used to the raven shifting about in the middle of the night by this point. It wasn’t something he had done much when they were kids, but a lot had changed, even in the last two years since he was able to last be this close. Even then, things had been different; he wasn’t allowed to be this close back then. Here, like this, Sabo found it easy to slip into sleep. How could he not with the familiar warmth that Ace let off so close, face pressed into pillows that smelled of paint and earth along with the faintest trace of cinnamon which was still something he uniquely tied to Ace and Ace alone. It was warm, like him, a scent that had taken the blond ages to find a name for and one that never failed to draw a smile to his face once he  _ had _ . Besides, it was far more welcome than the other scent he had started to pick up on nearly two months back when he had first started to crash in Ace’s room.

That first time he hadn’t smelled that comforting cinnamon, but  _ blood _ instead.

From early on, it was painfully apparent that Ace was hiding something, but he never would have guess that he was still coughing up blood. The evidence was subtle; he would give Ace that. At some point in the last few months, the raven had switched to using black towels instead of the faded blue ones they had had for years. The reason why had nearly floored Sabo when he first discovered it. 

It was harder to stain black.

Ironically, it had been that same night when he woke up to Ace coughing in the bathroom that he first found the evidence. It took ages to get Ace back into bed after that, Sabo not even surprised when his questions went unanswered again. Still, by that point he was almost painfully awake, especially when he refused to lie down himself until he was sure that the raven had slipped into sleep again.

He might never have discovered it in the first place if he hadn’t gone back to the bathroom himself to wash his face. The cloth was still in the sink when he did so, preventing the water from running freely. Without even thinking about it, he picked up the damp cloth from where it rest and ringed it out in the sink, intending to hang it back onto the rack and then go back to sleep himself. 

What he wasn’t expecting was for the water that escaped to run pink. 

At first, he only stared at the water in confusion, brows furrowing in tired contemplation and passing the color off for paint. The knowledge that he could have walked away and remained ignorant even then still weighed on his shoulders. It was incredibly likely that it might never have clicked if he hadn’t let a nagging sense of worry drive him forward and unfold the cloth to bring it to his nose.

The scent of blood was not something that could ever pass as blood. 

In that moment, he very nearly ran back to the bed to wake Ace up, to  _ demand _ for an explanation. He didn’t though, not when he was well aware that the painter would only clam up again and likely shut himself off even more so than he already had. Instead, Sabo  _ researched _ . He had ignored that same list of possibilities from months ago ever since that first day, refusing to linger on the possibilities for too long, but that night, he dragged them all up again,  _ scoured _ over the list for hours and hours on end. Because it hadn’t been a one time thing as he had so desperately wanted to believe.

Ace was getting worse and he wanted to know  **why** .

And from that point on, he was careful to watch him, to take in as much evidence as possible whenever he could. If Ace wasn’t willing to tell him what was wrong then he was damn going to figure it out himself, one way or another. And ever so slowly, he started to form a list. 

The lack of appetite was the first thing he noticed. 

Ace had never had  _ quite _ the appetite he and Luffy had, even as kids, something Sabo was pretty sure he could tie back to how things had been for the three of them back then. He was pretty sure that the other had only eaten less than them because he wasn’t splitting the food equally, always making sure that he and Luffy were fed instead. It was a habit that had followed him even into his adult years, never piling his plate to the same degree. Even knowing that though, the amount that Sabo had seen him eat as of late was nearly half of what he did normally, if not more so. 

He was a little shaky on his feet now too, constantly looking tired despite how Sabo tried to convince him to sleep more. Ace wasn’t taking his narcolepsy pills anymore either which sometimes meant that he passed out unexpectedly, most often while he was either eating or painting. He seemed constantly short for breath and the coughing never  _ stopped _ , not for long at least.

Whatever was wrong, Sabo was sure that it was at least somehow tied to his lungs though. That still wasn’t enough to narrow down the list as much as he’d like too. He needed more evidence. He just never thought that it would come so  _ soon _ . 

* * *

This night felt like all the others. Ace would wake up at some point with one of those raspy starts of a cough in his throat. He’d reach over to the side and grab either a cough drop ( which Sabo is well aware are hidden in the cabinet ) or his water bottle; either way, it’s something to fight against the cough before it becomes worse, before he’d pull out of Sabo’s loose hold to make his way to the bathroom where his coughing is quieter.

Sabo was still mostly asleep when Ace leaned over a little too far, only now noticing that it’s a little warmer than normal. For the blond it feels comfortable. His grip loosened a margin around the raven’s waist but he could already tell that the other is moving further than he usually does. For a moment Sabo thought that he’d just get up and head to the bathroom again. That’s when the weight of Ace left the bed. It’s wasn’t footsteps he heard though, but a thud and a pant for breath.

He jerked himself into a sitting position long before he was even fully awake, moving towards the side of the bed where Ace disappeared. His vision was still blurry in the wake of sleep so it takes a moment longer than normal to recognize the blurred figure on the floor as Ace. 

When he first tries to untangle himself from the sheets, he’s unsuccessful, nearly tripping over himself in the rush to escape, to get to Ace. The second time he’s a bit more successful a cry of “Ace!” on his lips long before he actually gets to the other’s side.

Even before he can touch him, it’s obvious that the raven is burning up, as if lit from the inside with freshly burned coals. Without touching him, he can tell that Ace is shaking. It’s not that harsh and wouldn’t be noticeable unless he was this closet but it’s enough to spark panic in Sabo’s chest, practically dragging Ace closer so that he can wrap his arms around him and drag him in closer. The fever is more obvious now when he rests his forehead against the other, able to hear every hitched breath and how they rattle with the need to cough barely being suppressed. 

A choked noise echoes through the small space between them and it takes a moment to realize that it came from him and not Ace. It’s not overwhelmingly surprising though, not when pieces are finally clicking into place in the worst possible ways. 

There’s a chance that this could just be a regular fever, that it’s nothing more than a common cold, maybe a simple flu at best. Sabo has spent weeks scouring the internet for anything pertaining to coughing up blood though. It  _ could _ be a cold, but it could also be pneumonia as well.

If it is, then his worst fears have just been confirmed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: And now you guys are officially caught up. My apologies in advance for my lack of anything even remotely consistent in my writing schedule.


	15. Stifled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His lips parted, a small croak of sound suffocated in the back of his throat, the sound from the hospital around him finally pressing in, crawling across his skin. 
> 
> “--brother,” was what fell free after a moment too long, struggling over the word turned into a whisper. Sabo wet his lips, forcing a steadying breath past their chapped edge before he spoke again. “I’m his brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I suck and life is hard, but have this. THEORETICALLY next chapter should be out soon since I'm kinda excited for it. It's been over a year since I said that last time so LOL. I'm so sorry...

The flashing lights seemed far too bright when cast against the night sky, the echo of a siren ringing through his ears even after it had quieted, replaced instead by the footfalls against concrete and poorly polished wood, voices bouncing among familiar walls. The questions, when they came, fell on half deaf ears, lost between the hammer of his own heartbeat, the hiccup of choked sobs that matched the threat of his own burning within the confines of his chest and a single minded focus on the raspy breathing besides him.

Time, like a river dammed and disjointed, traveled in every direction, a sluggish trickle turned flood. The next few hours blur together in that way, sound and light and _feeling_ numbed, like watching a film through a distorted screen; not real.

There’s a steady sound in the background, apparent only after he’d forced himself into the back of the ambulance in a daze. A repetitive, metallic drone of sound. The only _constant_ seemingly found in the back of a white room with machinery and frantic feet brushing past him, Sabo clung to the noise, solace found there where he stood like a statue, knuckles white where they griped at a handhold besides him. It’s steady, calming even, that droning ‘ beep … beep … beep ‘ that cut through the voices. But it’s fast, faster than his own frantic beat that drums like a panicked bird within his chest, trapped behind bone and sinew. A heartbeat, he finally acknowledged after a moment, Ace’s heartbeat.

He’s pale, still shaking where they’ve strapped Ace to a thin table. _Like a corpse_ \-- some small, fragile voice whispered within. He tears that thought to pieces before it can take root, a shaky breath the first thing to part his thin lips. Sabo’s aware ( distantly ) that he likely shouldn’t be here. That he’s in the way. But, he can’t force himself away, can’t deny the panic stilled, frozen in the depths of his own mind as some useless self preservation. He can’t move, can’t react. All he can do is stand there and watch, _listen_ to the continuous proof that everything will be fine. It’s fast, off kilter, hitched at a speeded rate that doesn’t match his own, but it’s present. For now, just knowing that Ace is still alive, his heart still beating, is enough to keep Sabo from stepping closer, from putting up an unnecessary fight he had almost sparked when curled onto the floor, wrapped around his brother’s feverish form.

When the medics first arrived and tried to pull Ace away from him, he had snarled like some wounded animal, rationality lost at the first glimpse of blood. Fingerprints bruised where they pressed into Ace’s arm and side, a vice-like grip that went unnoticed when pitted against the heat and threat of pneumonia. Sharp eyes, hitched breath and a protective panic thrown up like some useless set of armor were torn down in an instant when hazy blue eyes focused in on the tear stained expression of Luffy kneeling not even a foot away, the grip on his own shoulder clawed with desperation.

It was enough, in the moment, to tear his attention away and allow the slimmest glimmer of rationality to slide back into place.

And now, what was left of that was fading fast, abandoning him just as he had his younger brother, not sure yet whether Luffy had managed to climb into the ambulance as well or if he was perhaps left to call on a friend. Perhaps it was selfish, but Sabo didn’t care at the moment.

His focus was solely on Ace.

Arriving at the hospital was much like the night as a whole, moving as if separate from his own body when he stumbled free of the vehicle and moved to follow, eyes trained on the dark halo of sweat lined hair, chasing after each shaky exhale. The lights, when he stepped into them and outside of the night chill, were only a momentary blindness, a split second where Sabo was left to blink and collect himself before feet were moving forwards again.

So, when a hand reached out to block his way -- deceptively _gentle_ where fingers gripped at his shoulder -- it took a moment to process that something was preventing him from moving forward, from following after Ace. And for the first time since he slipped from the bed, since Ace’s name ripped from his lips on the piercing edge of broken panic, Sabo tore his gaze away from his brother, turning that shard of fractured emotion sharp with something **dark** when dazed eyes narrowed onto the face of the nurse blocking his way. The voice, soft and firm spoke “Sir, I can’t let you pass,” but it hardly registered in the blond’s ears, the stranger's voice more akin to soundless murmur. Yet, the message, whether delivered through the words alone or the body language, the hand on his shoulder, the way the door swung closed in front of him, cutting off his line of site on Ace -- _whatever_ the reason, it was enough. His lips parted, a small croak of sound suffocated in the back of his throat, the sound from the hospital around him finally pressing in, crawling across his skin.

“--brother,” was what fell free after a moment too long, struggling over the word turned into a whisper. Sabo wet his lips, forcing a steadying breath past their chapped edge before he spoke again. “I’m his brother.” The second time was stronger, yet the words came tumbling together in a tone closer to a question than a statement. Perhaps it was the that or some elaborate  regulations that he wasn’t familiar with -- _something_ \-- but even when Sabo’s attention skirted away from the nurse and towards the closed door again, he didn’t miss the way the other’s expression twisted, the hard line of thinly pursed lips, the PITY softening unfamiliar eyes.

“I understand that you’ve had a scare but there are certain proced--”

“I’m his _brother_ ,” the panicked edge was back and Sabo pushed forward a little more, cutting the other off. “You have to-- I need to be there… He--, I can’t just wait out here while…” a second hand joined the first against his shoulder, Sabo distinctly **aware** this time when another pair of hands pressed against him from behind, catching on whatever loose shirt he had fallen asleep in the night before, dragging him back, away from the door, from _Ace_ . And something in his **snapped** , that desire to be besides Ace turned into a desperate need. He twisted in the grip but it only grew harsher, a _warning_ in the hold and the nurse’s expression harder now when it filled his vision, no longer the calm it held before.

“It won’t be long, I promise,” the nurse’s words are consoling, padded with false sympathies and and underline of impatience. “Just a few papers to sign, a few questions…”

Sabo wants -- rather suddenly -- to rip out the nurse’s vocal cords, but makes do with a returned **snarl** instead.

“ _DON’T_ \--” is the sharp edge of his voice, a blade that cut through the crowd, forged in concern and **fear** . “You _have_ to let me pass, let me see him-- I need… I need to know that he’s okay, **please** ,” he scrambled, voice rising in pitch, shaking just as his brother had, wavering while hands grappled with the guard’s, clawing at exposed skin.

“ _He’s my BROTHER!_ ”

But the grip doesn’t loosen, the obstacles made of flesh and bone only growing in number instead, moving to block his way, to drag him away. A choked sob finds a home in his throat, stealing away his breath and saturated in **fear** . And he wants to fight against the arms holding him back, rip those doors free of their hinges and chase in after where Ace disappeared, where they took him _away_.

There’s a small voice, barely a whisper, that argues that they’re _saving_ him, that this is better, but it takes a **long** time for that voice to take root, to make sense, and by that time it’s too little, too late.

The **scream** that leaves him near the end, a shattering call of Ace’s name sent back to reverberate off the walls around him, is what tears at his throat the most, what leaves his voice rough and shaky when he finally calms down enough for the staff to allow him back to the front entrance. His fingers tap at the counter, leg shaking and free hand clenching and unclenching where he grips at the edge of the faux marble surface.

“I already _told_ you, and the guys at the apartment, AND the medics in the ambulance-- I don’t _know_ what started it. We were sleeping and everything was fine and then suddenly it wasn’t,” he growled out, getting impatient. It had been **hours** now with no news and he had grown anxious from the number of times his gaze had been cast towards closed doors, hopes dashed every time they opened only to deliver news for someone _else_ . For all he knew, Ace could be **dying** and he was stuck here, answering the same questions over, and over, and _over_ again. A broken record with no end.

His fingers curled in further, blunt nails pressed against the edge of the cool stone to such a degree where tiny pinpricks of pain danced along his nerves, lost among the rush of raw **frustration** that had slid in to take place of the terror and numb concern from earlier, in a jumbled storm that ripped at the lining of his own mind.

“He has _pneumonia_ , that’s all I know and I had to figure that out myself. You tell ME why my brother has been coughing up blood and hardly eating or sleeping anymore. That’s _your_ job, not mine.”

“ _Sabo_.”

He started at the familiar voice, the comfort attached to the sound enough to coax Sabo’s vice-like grip on the counter looser when he turned his head to take in the sight of Luffy’s haggard form behind him. Having arrived shortly after Sabo was dragged away, he looked no better than the blond felt, though, at least the younger had the foresight to grab a jacket before he followed after the ambulance. Still, with bruises of exhaustion painted in shades of ash under his eyes, thinly drawn lips and mussed hair, Sabo’s shoulders slumped at the sight before him, at the reminder that he wasn’t the _only_ one suffering through this.

“They still won’t let us see him,” was his muted murmur after a moment, sigh dragging the flimsy energy frustration had provided him away and leaving Sabo spent, empty when he turned to face his brother instead of the counter.

Luffy nodded silently, hands raised to rub at his face. Sabo ignored the way his brother’s hands shook when he did, his anger forgotten, for the moment at least. Instead he reached out to wrap his arms loosely around the other’s shoulders, drawing Luffy in closer for a weak hug that didn’t provide nearly enough comfort for either of them. But it was something at least. A flimsy protection from the outside world that was bound to fail and crumble at their feet.

“He’ll be fine,” he lied. Because it _felt_ like a lie. That was all they had to rely on right now though, so Sabo continued after another shaky breath. “I’m sure we’ll hear from them soon and then we’ll just-- we’ll deal with it, whatever it is.” Not his best attempt at reassurance but he was _trying_ at least. Luffy nodded again into his chest which only caused Sabo to bite down onto his lower lip, a well of concern dug deeper.

Luffy wasn’t meant to be this quiet. Ever.

Eventually they moved away from the counter, claiming a space in the corner no less chaotic and loud, but at least more secluded, private. And that’s where they passed the time, _silent_ with the pressure of what-if’s pressing against their shoulder blades, plagued with fears and uncertainties.

And yet again, time seemed to fracture. Where it had blurred together before, one moment sliding seamlessly into the next, this time it was as if a chasm had opened in the passage between seconds, a void that went on and on, dragging without end. Sabo was trapped in it, the constant pattering of his foot against cold tile the only measure of time passed as it poured out before him endlessly.

Left with only his own thoughts to beat against the confines of his mind and chip away at his sanity, those far away whispers grew steadily louder, a white static noise that stole away his breath and left cerulean eyes unfocused where they stared at the floor, nothing left to distract him from that nagging **fear**. It dug into his chest, wrapped tight around the his ribs to press close against his lungs and straining heart, spiraling deeper with each silent breath. Voices born from logic tormented him, dragging forth the very thoughts Sabo had struggled in vain to bury away. Because, this time, he didn’t have Ace’s heartbeat in the background to prove him wrong, to fight against the inevitable that rang like a hollow bell deep within his subconscious mind, an omen of bad fortune.

How long they sat there like that, he couldn’t say. Mere minutes stretched out into  **eternity** were only broken when scuffed shoes entered his line of vision, a cleared throat drawing the attention of both brothers and ripping the older from his own mental snare. "Mr. Portgas?" The doctor spoke and the name alone had something  _ sharp  _ pierce at his chest, a small, barely audible gasp in his lips. Sabo's attention shot upwards to land on the vaguely familiar doctor before him, but his hollow gaze was only drawn into full focus when his eyes skid downwards, resting on a clipboard in the other's hands, on the small label there with a patient ID number and  **'ACE PORTGAS** ' written in a messy scrawl of black ink. 

"Sabo," he choked out, rushing to his feet. "Sabo Outlook. We're not related by blood, different last names, but still... brothers." 

The soft-spoken “Ahh,” from the doctor was enough evidence of his disinterest long before the other’s eyes dropped down to the set of papers in hand. "Well, either way, I assume you both are here to see him. I'll need to go over a few questions with you again,"  _ Of course _ . "as well as go over a few things of importance, but he's stabilized now," the doctor continued on, one hand flipping through the papers before him, eyes  _ bore _ d. But that hardly mattered to Sabo in the moment, not when the sheer force of RELIEF was nearly enough to topple him from his feet. Because Ace was stable, he was  **alive** and-- "Pneumonia, as you initially reported. Not terribly surprising given his progression, but a few days rest and some prescribed medicine for the cough and Mr. Portgas should remain stable,” the doctor continued. “Of course, we still recommend a start on chemotherapy, but until he gives the go-ahead there's not much more we can do for him at the moment."

It took a moment to process through that brief, but  _ heady _ comfort found in the weight of relief, but Sabo had spent too many late nights with aching eyes and an overheated laptop atop his knees to skim over what the doctor,  _ Ace’s _ doctor, so easily revealed. And his knees really  _ did  _ buckle then, color leached from his cheeks, the strength drawn from every limb when the blond staggered backward, the line of his spine meeting harshly with the wall behind him. 

His lips parted, a note of condemnation ready at the tip of his tongue, bitter within the confines of his mouth, but there wasn’t enough air in his lungs to provide the question with sound, and it was, in the end, Luffy, too quiet, too vulnerable  _ Luffy _ who spoke in a quiet, hesitant voice. 

“Chemotherapy…?”

The doctor turned, eyes falling to rest on the younger male for the first time, gaze empty,  _ soulless _ when a note of incredulity broke free, expression one of not pity, but frustrated disbelief. 

“Well, of course. Your brother has cancer after all. Didn't you _know?_ ”


End file.
